couple de jeunes parents dans le lit

Being in a couple and becoming parents: how to combine family life and sexuality?

On the Journal d’Elhée, we often talk to you about babies and their well-being, mixed breastfeeding and “ How To without forgetting our bibRounds with a delicately ergonomic design. That said, before giving life, love must be born and for that, intimacy must be created.. Intimacy at first exclusive to the couple then for a time turned upside down or even mistreated by baby, before being – for the happiness of all – passionately rediscovered. But, while making love is good for morale, health and even for family balance, the idea of living a fulfilling sexuality is still too often relegated to the rank of secondary need by new parents.

Giving birth to a baby, a new rhythm to find

Between fatigue, lack of time for oneself and lack of intimacy for two, the arrival of a baby shakes up the habits of the couple. From fiery lovers you become responsible parents, and this, the time of a (sometimes long) day at the maternity ward.

Getting to (re) know yourself

Inasmuch as mother and with all the power of this word, before even talking about sexuality, it is essential to mention the self-recognition and reappropriation.

Even well lived, a pregnancy – all the more so if it is the first – is a upheaval for body and mind. Reactions and emotions, physical and hormonal changes, pain, discomfort, new sensations... Every mother should be able to take the time to tame your body and your desires again after the birth of a child.

For your spouse, too, the transition can be chaotic. As a woman, you are no longer just her sexual partner, but also the mother who watches over her young child. He or she may feel left out of the relationship with your newborn.

Find your love balance 

Among the factors that influence desire in new parents is fatigue. Baby doesn't sleep at night, he's sick, he's teething, he wakes up with a start after a nightmare... When you do not sleep, not well or not enough, especially after returning to work, the energy quickly runs out and with it the tone, the good mood and any sexual desire. You may have chosen co-sleeping, or placing the baby's bed in your bedroom for more security, responsiveness, but a little less privacy.

Fortunately, it's not just the bed in life, and sex at night.

If postpartum is not necessarily the period when women feel the most desirable and enthusiastic about somersaults on the washing machine or on the sofa, these moments of intimacy sometimes stolen, sometimes programmed, can be an opportunity for looks and caresses, laughter too and why laughter, perfect for meeting.

Stress, exhaustion, dejection... These ailments, although common among new parents, must remain occasional. Otherwise, over time, they can develop into postpartum depression. A good preventive gesture? Create ramparts, get some air, talk, treat yourself to precious moments together.

Set up bubbles of intimacy

" The desire to want", does that remind you of someone? Perhaps simply you, in front of the mirror, one fine morning or in the middle of the night, a few weeks or a few months after the birth of your child.

How to express one's desire after a more or less long period without intimate relationships? Your partner is always the same and yet not quite. You too have changed a bit. Both of you have become parents. Despite this, do not be ashamed of your desire, do not be embarrassed or encumbered by it. Recognizing that you want him or her is probably the first step towards a (new) fulfilling sexuality

Enjoy every quiet moment

If before baby, the rule was "cuddles at all hours", now you will have to organize yourself. At least a little. While this new rhythm settles in, you can hang your available time slots to hug on the fridge, or slip the "improvised happy hour schedule" into your lover's pocket.

  • With a baby: early (very early) in the morning, in the middle of the night or during a nap, in short, when your child is sleeping soundly, take the opportunity to slip into bed too!
  • With a bigger child: after dropping them off at a birthday party, at their extracurricular activity, when they're at the movies with their grandparents, at their nanny's, or at daycare if you've managed to get inside a bit more both early.

Organizing a romantic dinner, a real solution?

Why not ? All attention is good as long as you are interested in each other and not just spending time side by side. Talk to each other, look each other in the eye, remember why we are in love, touch each other, compliment each other…and not just comment on the dinner.

As you know, female desire is much more complex than a dish of spaghetti, however tasty it may be.

So, yes to the romantic dinner, but always and even more so after the birth of a child, as if it were the first. Like 5, 10, or more years ago, when the most exciting challenge of your life was to charm him or her

If dinner may be followed by a whole night of freedom, what better way to create a real moment of intimacy? Find yourself and rediscover your bodies centimeter by centimeter? But always without pressure. After a good meal and a few weeks of broken nights, you may just want to sleep. And it doesn't matter! Which parent has never been torn between the desire for a crazy night of love and the desire to fall into a deep sleep for more than 4 hours in a row? 

Sexualité et le couple pendant la grossesse

5 tips to stay (or become) lovers again when you have children

Your house therefore no longer accommodates just two, but three people, including a tiny human being who is currently totally dependent on you. But, despite its needs, there's no reason why your love nest shouldn't remain one. Part-time maybe, but a love nest nonetheless. 

Secure your privacy zone

"This is my space and this is your space". The film Dirty Dancing, the lesson of Cha Cha! You remember ? If the two actors do not have a child to interrupt their dance, the notion of personal space and intimacy is physically demonstrated.

It's the same thing with the parent/child couple. Everyone must have their own space and learn to respect that of the other.

The master bedroom is not a playroom, just as the bed is not a trampoline. Because before being parents you are a couple, your room is an area of intimacy that must be protected so that you can live your own love relationship or dance the Cha Cha if you wish.

As soon as possible, offer a touch, a caress, a kiss

“ A.S.A.P ”, if the use of the formula is subject to debate in the conclusion of professional emails, the hug “ As Soon As Possible ” is highly recommended. Between two doors a kiss, crossing each other in the corridor an explicit look, on the stairs or passing near his office a caress, in the morning when waking up, in the evening when going to bed... All times are good to share a gesture of love

Hugging releases oxytocin, the designated feel-good hormone. So there is no reason to deprive yourself of the touch of his fingers, his lips, his warmth and his sweetness.

Every day, attention for him or for her

Show him/her as soon as possible how important he or she is in your life. Start with a small gesture each day, but don't limit yourself, for the well-being of your couple, to show them your interest and to arouse theirs.

  • Get the kids to eat before you and enjoy a few hours one-on-one around a delivered meal that saves you cooking. 
  • Anticipate with a few races on Friday evening to be quiet all weekend and not need to go out for any reason.
  • Get up at night to change the baby's diaper or give him his bottle, without your partner needing to ask you, just so he or she can rest.
  • Take the laundry out of the machine, start the dishwasher's eco programme, take out the bins, etc., in short, take charge of part of everyday life.
  • Prepare him a bath while he or she puts your child to sleep in his or her room, buy his or her favorite cake at the bakery, serve him or her a hot coffee when you know it will be fully appreciated…

Every month, organize an appointment for two

What better way to arouse the desire for cuddles than a tryst? While you thought they were stored in the first months of your relationship, the idea of bringing them up to date creates butterflies in your stomach and that's good.

Don't hesitate for a second. Once a month and more if you can, book a good table at the restaurant, cinema tickets, schedule a walk in the woods, an afternoon spent antiquing at garage sales… Do what you love, do it without children and above all without feeling guilty.

To help you, think of grandparents, close friends or why not, an extra afternoon at daycare.

Do not hesitate to make this moment truly exceptional by slipping, for example, a few naughty little words scribbled on paper or sent by text message, under the watchful eyes of the one you love.

Forever, recognize your qualities

Develop a real cultivating positive feelings about yourself and your partner.

" You are magic ". Fortunately, magic is everywhere, even in moments of fatigue, in everyday life, even when you don't see it. The real magic is within you, more or less buried depending on the day. It is up to you to reveal it by constantly recognizing new qualities.

  • You are an exceptional mother, you are a caring father
  • You are a beautiful woman, you are an exciting man
  • I love your humor, I love your way of seeing life
  • Your dimples when you smile make me lose my senses, your smile is so cute, I've always loved seeing it appear on your lips

It is also that of remaining lovers while being parents. To remember why we are together, what brought us together and made us want to have a child together. Combine small words, small gestures, gestures and more explicit statements when you have the opportunity. With a little time and patience, you probably have the right formula to rekindle the flame, the passion and the ardor between you.

Some days it won't work, your head will be elsewhere, work or the education of the children will take over and that's normal. The idea to regain a fulfilling sex life is to make your authenticity seductive in the simplest device, desirable the first wrinkle to your beguiling smile and attracting the first graying hair.

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