For many young mothers and mothers-to-be, sleep is THE subject that comes up again and again, even if it can be a bit obsessive. In the last month of pregnancy, we often hear: "Get as much sleep as you can while you can! Once the baby is born, the focus shifts slightly, but the question of sleep remains omnipresent: "So, is he or she sleeping through the night?" sometimes accompanied by a guilt-ridden, sometimes exasperating "Oh, not yet?
What if we were to admit that we can't control a baby's sleep? That their cycles are unique to them and can change at any moment? That there is no miracle method, but above all an immense need to listen, observe and show kindness?
ARTICLE SUMMARY :
- Out with the crying and loneliness, in with the support and caring
- Baby's sleep: tips and tricks, but always with patience
- Revolutionary (or not), 2 methods to try for softer nights
- As parents, don't forget about your child's sleep
Out with the crying and loneliness, in with the support and caring
For a long time, young parents were advised to let their babies cry at night, on the pretext that they needed to unload the emotions of the day, that they would never stop crying if their parents went to see them at the slightest cry, or that they would eventually stop crying when they were tired. Grandma's "advice" meant well, but we know today that it has no virtue for infants.
When a baby cries, it's always to express a need, never because it's doing it on purpose or to push its parents to the limit. So, leaving a baby to cry alone in his crib means leaving him to fend for himself with emotions that are too strong, negative or contradictory for him to understand. Is he hungry? Is he cold? Is he in pain? Does he need company, or is something frightening him?
What we do know, however, is thatan infant who cries without being consoled experiences an increase in stress levels. Although the consequences of stress in infants are still poorly understood, sleep specialists believe that the repercussions can last well into adulthood.
Conversely, numerous studies have proven the benefits of attention, cuddling, caressing, rocking and skin-to-skin contact on falling asleep. This kindness from mother to child, from parent to infant, reassures the newborn and strengthens the bond of love. It may even give rise to and strengthen levels of trust and empathy in the grown-up child.
Baby's sleep: tips and tricks, but always with patience
When it comes to baby's sleep, as you know if you've already had a child, there's no magic formula. It's all a matter of luck or whichever way the wind blows. If you're expecting your first child, you might as well know that the sleep of a 1-month-old baby is different from that of a 3-month-old, just as a baby's sleep can be disturbed after a vaccination or teething.
Some people fall asleep quickly, while others take years to regulate their resting hours. Genetic and environmental factors, as well as biological ones, can help babies fall asleep or, on the contrary, cause sleep disorders. Nevertheless, there are a few tips to help babies get a good night's sleep.
The bedtime ritual
Nothing is more reassuring for your little baby than to follow a precise bedtime ritual with you every night. In the first few weeks of life, the night is perhaps the longest period of separation between you and your child. Secure routines such as going to bed at a fixed time, reading a story, lullaby or bath time can help you guide your baby towards a peaceful, restful sleep.
A cool, dark room
What could be more annoying than an overheated bedroom, pyjamas that are too hot or sheets that are too thick when they're not needed? Similarly, a room that's too bright or a nightlight that's too loud can disrupt baby's sleep. To help your baby fall asleep more easily, and to avoid awakenings due to discomfort as much as possible, set the thermostat to 18°C and plunge the room into semi-darkness.
Did you know? In Denmark (where temperatures at the height of summer rarely rise above 20°C), babies sit outside! On a balcony, in front of a café or in a park, it's hardly surprising to find strollers parked in place of scooters or bicycles. A habit that is said to have many virtues: easier to fall asleep, longer, more flexible naps, a stronger immune system thanks to the fresh air...
Sleeping baby awake
To avoid a startled awakening at the end of the first sleep cycle, put your child to bed awake as often as possible, so that he falls asleep aware of his environment and the fact that he is alone in his bed.
Avoid sleep debt
An overtired baby can't rest because he's too nervous or excited. He only takes micro-naps, is often moody, grumpy or prone to crying. He's quick to get annoyed. Contrary to what one might logically imagine, a baby who sleeps well during the day also sleeps well at night.
While infants can sleep up to 20 hours a day, a 4-month-old baby sleeps 14 to 16 hours a day. At 6 months, a baby generally takes three naps a day, the last of which, in the late afternoon, often disappears before a year. By the age of 3, many children take only one nap in the early afternoon.
Play soft music
A lullaby or a piece of classical music can help babies drift off to sleep. Mozart and Beethoven are particularly effective in this respect.
To create a calm, soothing environment, place the player far enough away from the bed and set the volume very low to help baby relax. You can also try out white noise: raindrops, heartbeats or the regular movements of the washing machine drum, but always with a soft volume and muffled sound.
Using phytotherapy
Plants have virtues that are worth exploiting for children's well-being. Are you breastfeeding? Before feeding in the evening, treat yourself to a vervain, lemon balm or linden-based herbal tea, which will relax you and help your baby sleep more soundly.
From the age of 3 months, you can add other plants such as Roman chamomile or orange blossom. In herbal tea form to be left to cool, or in hydrosol form for a ready-to-use formula, they accompany baby with their calming or relaxing effect.
Identifying and anticipating anxiety phases
Between 9 and 18 months, we talk aboutseparation anxiety. Between the ages of 2 and 5, a young child may have nightmares or be afraid of monsters and ghosts. This period also corresponds to a number of awakenings. At this age, he or she also begins to come face to face with others, especially when starting school.
These changes - and many others - can create feelings of anxiety or stress that can affect sleep quality. As a mother or parent, being aware of them and anticipating them enables you to adjust various elements, such as bedtime or story time, as well as your child's choice.
In the background, the ups and downs of life!
You may be lucky enough to have a baby who sleeps through the night quickly, or who responds well to the various sleep tips mentioned above. However, there will undoubtedly be setbacks, nights that are more complicated than others, and perhaps longer-lasting regressions for a few weeks, but always interspersed with calmer and longer nights.
So, be as patient as you can, pass the baton when necessary and when you can, but above all, remember that this is a temporary period, and that if resting proves too difficult, there's bound to be a solution for you and your child.
Revolutionary (or not), 2 methods to try for softer nights
In the course of your research into baby's sleep, you may have discovered that there are methods, praised by some parents and decried by others, that make it much easier for children to fall asleep. So, are you ready for a major overhaul of your nights, or for the status quo? Let us know!
Reassure baby with "Chrono-Dodo
The method advocated by Aude Becquart in her book " La méthode chrono-dodo: Aider votre enfant à dormir bien ", published by LEDUC, is simple and caring. It may, however, require a certain amount of patience on your part.
Start by checking the basics. Your baby or child is not sick, is comfortable in his or her own bed and feels safe, both physically and emotionally: enough to let go and fall asleep.
The Chrono-Dodo method then works as follows: once baby is in bed, explain that you're going to leave the room for 15 seconds before returning for 10 seconds. If the presence times are too short, a 2-minute cuddle break can be added.
As the days go by, absence times become longer and longer. First 15 seconds, then 30, then 45 seconds... All this so that your little one learns to fall asleep independently and without stress. The aim of frequent back and forth is to be able to welcome his emotions and reassure him when he needs it. It's not a question of letting baby cry, but of taking your time at each stage.
Observe your biological rhythm with the Pantley method
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of "Un sommeil paisible et sans pleurs", published by ADA. For this Canadian parenting coach, the key to children's peaceful sleep lies in observing their biological rhythms. In other words, the creation of a method tailored to each individual.
The first step is observation. As your baby sleeps, watch him carefully and take note of anything that relates to his sleeping habits. What position does he sleep in? When does he start to move or cry? Does he look for his pacifier when it falls out? Does he look lost in bed? Do certain sounds startle him, and if so, which ones?
You'll then draw up a schedule for your child's sleep over the coming months and establish an unchanging, enjoyable bedtime ritual. From cuddles and massages to baths and Mum's lullaby, it's up to you to decide what makes your child happy.
Finally, baby will gradually learn to fall asleep without a pacifier and without being at your breast. Feeding may initially end just before falling asleep, then gradually shorten and eventually disappear.
This method gradually gives your child more autonomy and control over his or her own falling asleep, but requires everyone to be ready, especially as the last feed of the day is cancelled if you're breast-feeding.
And what about co-sleeping?
Co-sleeping means sharing your bed with your baby every night. For everything to go smoothly, the practice requires a certain amount of care and a few precautions: use a firm mattress and pillows, don't over-cover your baby, and leave comforters with buttons, little bows or ribbons in the closet.
Even so, once you've got the hang of it, co-sleeping offers a number of advantages: your baby is reassured by your constant presence, he's less likely to fall back asleep between sleep cycles, and it's easier for him to regulate his body temperature thanks to yours. If you're breast-feeding your baby, co-sleeping is also a way of staying comfortably in bed together at feeding time.
Are you hesitating? Worried about your baby? Think cohabitation! This means sleeping in the same room, but not in the same bed, with, for example, your little one's crib or cot right next to yours.
Parents! Don't forget about your child's sleep
A child who's at peace with his or her life is often a child who sleeps better, if not better. And what could be more soothing than a happy, fulfilled family life? That's why it's essential not to forget yourself in your struggle to help your child sleep better. Take care of yourself, pamper yourself.
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Remember that sleep is above all a question of letting go and caring, a unique moment every day, when your child entrusts himself entirely to you, to your protection.
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Remember, too, that some children have sleeping skills that others do not.
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Remember, too, that advice to let him cry a little, feed him more, hold him less... is worth little or nothing. Above all, trust your instincts! It's your best adviser.
There should be no injunctions, no "you must", no "you must" in these moments. Just precious listening and gentle moments whispered at the entrance to the heart, to be irremediably engraved there.
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