- Giving birth to a baby: finding a new rhythm
- Creating privacy bubbles
- 5 tips for staying in love (or getting back in love) when you have children
On the Journal d'Élhéewe often talk to you about baby and his well-being, mixed breastfeeding and "How To", not forgetting our bibRonds with their delicately ergonomic design. That said, before giving birth, you need to give birth to love, and to do that, you need to create intimacy. Intimacy that is at first exclusive to the couple, then temporarily disrupted or even abused by baby, before being - to everyone's delight - passionately rediscovered. But while making love is good for morale, health and even family equilibrium, the idea of fulfilling sexuality is still too often relegated to the status of a secondary need by new parents.
Giving birth to a baby: finding a new rhythm
Between fatigue, lack of time for yourself and lack of intimacy for both of you, the arrival of a baby turns a couple's habits upside down. You go from being spirited lovers to responsible parents, and this for the time of a (sometimes long) day at the maternity hospital.
Getting to know each other (again)
As a mother and with all the power of the wordeven before talking about sexuality, it's essential to talk about self-recognition and reappropriation.
Pregnancy, no matter how well it goes, is an upheaval for both body and mind, especially if it's your first. Reactions and emotions, physical and hormonal changes, pain, discomfort, new sensations... After the birth of a child, every mother must be able to take the time to tame her body and her desires once more.
For your partner, too, the transition can be chaotic. As a woman, you're no longer just his sexual partner, but also the mother looking after her young child. He or she may feel excluded from the relationship with your newborn.
Find your love balance
One of the factors influencing desire in new parents is fatigue. Baby doesn't sleep at night, he's sick, teething, waking up from a nightmare... When you don't sleep, not well or not enough, especially after going back to work, energy quickly runs out and with it tonicity, good mood and any sexual desire. You may have opted for co-sleeping, or to place the baby's cot in your bedroom for greater security and responsiveness, but a little less intimacy.
Fortunately, there's more to life than bed and nighttime sex.
Although the post-partum period isn't necessarily the time when women feel most desirable and enthusiastic about doing somersaults on the washing machine or sofa, these moments of intimacy - sometimes stolen, sometimes planned- can be the occasion for glances and caresses, laughter too, and why not, giggles, perfect for getting back together.
|
Stress, exhaustion, despondency... These ailments, although common among new parents, should be dealt with on an occasional basis. Otherwise, over time, they can develop into post-partum depression. A good preventive measure? Create a buffer, get some fresh air, talk and spend some precious time together. |
Creating privacy bubbles
Does "the urge to crave" sound familiar? Maybe it's just you, standing in front of the mirror one morning or in the middle of the night, a few weeks or months after the birth of your child.
How do you express your desire after a long or short period without intimate relations? Your partner is still the same, but not quite. You too have changed a little. You've both become parents. Despite this, don't be ashamed, embarrassed or encumbered by your desire. Acknowledging that you want him or her is undoubtedly the first step towards a (new) fulfilled sexuality.
Enjoy every quiet moment
If before baby, the rule was "cuddles at all hours", now you're going to have to get organized. At least a little. While this new rhythm settles in, you can hang your available cuddle time slots on the fridge, or slip the "impromptu happy hour schedule" into your lover's pocket.
- With a baby: early (very early) in the morning, in the middle of the night or during a nap - in short, when your child is sound asleep, take the opportunity to crawl into bed yourself!
- With an older child: after dropping him off at a birthday party or after-school activity, when he's at the movies with his grandparents, at his nanny's, or at nursery school if you've both managed to get home a little early.
Is a romantic dinner a real solution?
Why not? Any attention is good as long as you're interested in each other and not just spending time side by side. Talk to each other, look into each other's eyes, remind each other why you're in love, touch each other, compliment each other... and not just comment on dinner.
As you know, female desire is much more complex than a dish of spaghetti, however tasty it may be.
So, yes to romantic dinners, but always and even more so after the birth of a child, as if it were your first. Like 5, 10 or more years ago, when the most exciting challenge in your life was to charm him or her.
|
If dinner can be followed by a whole night of freedom, what better way to create a real moment of intimacy? Get together and rediscover your bodies inch by inch? But always without pressure. After a good meal and a few weeks of night after night, all you'll want to do is sleep. And that's okay! What parent hasn't been torn between the desire for a crazy night of lovemaking and the desire to plunge into a deep sleep for more than 4 hours at a time? |
5 tips for staying in love (or getting back in love) with children
Your home is now home to not just two, but three people, including a tiny human being who, for the time being, is totally dependent on you. But, despite his needs, there's no reason why your love nest shouldn't remain one. Part-time perhaps, but a love nest nonetheless.
Secure your privacy zone
"This is my space and that's your space". The film Dirty Dancingthe Cha Cha lesson! Remember this? If the two actors have no children to interrupt their dance, the notion of personal space and intimacy is physically demonstrated.
It's the same with the parent-child relationship. Each must have its own space, and learn to respect the other's.
The parental bedroom is not a playroom, just as the bed is not a trampoline. Because before you're parents you're a couple, your bedroom is a zone of intimacy that must be protected so that you can live out your own loving relationship or dance the Cha Cha if you wish.
As soon as possible, offer a touch, a caress, a kiss
"A.S.A.P.", if the use of the formula is subject to debate at the end of professional e-mails, the cuddle "As Soon As Possible" is highly recommended. A kiss between two doors, an explicit glance as you pass each other in the corridor, a caress on the stairs or near your desk, in the morning when you wake up, in the evening when you go to bed... Any time is a good time to share a gesture of love.
Embracing releases oxytocin, the hormone responsible for well-being. So there's no reason to deprive yourself of the touch of his fingers, lips, warmth and gentleness.
Every day, something for him or her
Show him or her how important he or she is in your life as soon as possible. Start with a small gesture every day, but don't limit yourself, for the sake of your relationship, to show your interest and to awaken hers.
- Get the kids to eat before you, and enjoy a few hours alone over a delivered meal that saves you the trouble of cooking.
- Plan ahead with some shopping on Friday evening, so you can relax all weekend and never need to go out.
- Get up at night to change your little one's diaper or give him or her a bottle, without your partner having to ask, just so he or she can rest.
- Take the laundry out of the washing machine, start the dishwasher's eco program, take out the garbage cans, etc. - in short, take charge of part of your daily routine.
- Prepare a bath for him or her while he or she puts your child to sleep in his or her room, buy his or her favorite cake at the bakery, serve him or her a hot cup of coffee when you know it will be fully appreciated...
Every month, organize a rendezvous for two
What better way to whet the appetite for cuddles than on a date? Just when you thought they'd been put off until the first few months of your relationship, the idea of bringing them back into the picture sends butterflies up your spine, and all the better for it.
Don't hesitate for a second. Once a month, and more if you can, book a nice table in a restaurant, cinema tickets, go for a walk in the woods, spend an afternoon bargain-hunting at garage sales... Do what you like, do it without children and, above all, without feeling guilty.
To help out, think of grandparents, close friends or, why not, an extra afternoon at daycare.
|
Don't hesitate to make this moment truly exceptional by, for example, slipping in a few naughty words scribbled on paper or sent by text message, under the watchful eyes of the one you love. |
Always recognize your qualities
Develop a genuine culture of positive feelings towards yourself and your partner.
"You're magic. Fortunately, magic is everywhere, even in moments of fatigue, in everyday life, even when you can't see it. The real magic is inside you, more or less buried from day to day. It's up to you to reveal it by constantly recognizing new qualities.
- You are an exceptional mother and a caring father.
- You're a beautiful woman, you're an exciting man
- I love your humor, I love your way of looking at life.
- Your dimples when you smile make me lose my temper, your smile is so sweet, I've always loved to see it on your lips.
It's also about remaining lovers while being parents. Remembering why we're together, what brought us together and made us want to have a child together. Combine small words, small attentions, small gestures and more explicit statements when you get the chance. With a little time and patience, you've probably found the right formula to rekindle the flame, passion and passion between you.
|
Some days it won't work, your mind will be elsewhere, work or bringing up the kids will take over, and that's normal. The key to getting your sex life back on track is to make your authenticity seductive in its simplest form, the first wrinkle in your cheeky smile desirable and the first graying hair attractive. |
