- What does prematurity mean at age 5?
- The neonatal unit: an impressive encounter for everyone
- Bonding with that baby who's growing up a bit far away
- Talking, explaining, reading, showing, soothing
Having a little brother or sister is a major upheaval in a child's life. "Take it easy", "be careful", "let him rest a little", you have to take precautions. But what happens when, at home, this big change goes differently? Why doesn't the baby come home? Why isn't he breathing on his own? When will he get better? Welcoming a baby born prematurely is never easy, but taking up the challenge and explaining it to your other children born before him is sometimes a tour de force. How do you talk about prematurity, about a baby born too early, about hospital treatment? After several months of pregnancy, how do you help your little ones to understand and accept the long time it takes to be in a neonatal unit?
What does prematurity mean at age 5?
Every year in France, 7% of babies are born prematurely, i.e. before 37 weeks of amenorrhea. And yet, finding the right words to talk to the youngest children about this sudden arrival remains a challenge. Throughout your pregnancy, the baby has been a part of your daily life, and you've announced his or her birth date with great anticipation. Then you you left for the maternity wardbut the new baby didn't come home. He has to stay in the neonatal unit.
If the medical team who cared for your newborn has explained his or her state of health and how the next few weeks will unfold, simply talking about care, development, complications, after-effects and sometimes prognosis with your other children can be difficult, both technically and emotionally.
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You can say, for example, that the new baby is early. And because he hasn't had all the time he needs, simple things like breathing are complicated for him. He needs to build up his strength in the maternity ward, sleep well and eat well. Once he's strong enough like his brothers and sisters, you can take him home. |
The neonatal unit: an impressive encounter for everyone
You're not used to it yourself. The neonatal unit, its calm, hushed atmosphere, the noise of the machines, the tiny babies in their incubators, the gloved and masked medical staff, the other parents also equipped, their faces sometimes worried... The first meeting between your children - when it is possible - can be impressive and even worrying if it is not anticipated.
Remember how anxious you felt about your child's prematurity after you gave birth. How upset you were by the wires and sensors connected to the machines that help him breathe or feed.
For the first bath and the first skin-to-skin cuddle, you didn't know where to place your hands, how to hold your baby, or even how to approach him. You were afraid of hurting him, of mishandling him and of disconnecting something important. It's the same and even more so for your child.
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Start by downplaying the presence of all this equipment. The little tubes in the nose - the nasal oxygen probe - are like two little snorkels. They allow baby to breathe easily, just like in the sea. The little flower-shaped stickers on his chest? They're useful electrodes, because they replace our ears to listen to his heart. |
Bonding with that little baby who's growing up a bit far away
You live a long way from the specialized neonatal intensive care unit where your premature baby is kept, your baby's stage of prematurity prevents visits, your children have colds and babies born too early need to be protected from germs... There are many reasons why siblings cannot visit their premature baby.
So when physical contact and glances aren't possible, use technology and creativity to convey emotion and messages. Take photos of your child (in silent mode and without flash) or make videos when you can hold him or her in your arms, at diaper change time, or at each new milestone reached by your newborn.
On the other hand, ask your eldest child to draw, record a lullaby or make small decorations to brighten up the incubator and the room in the neonatal unit.
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Imagine together a prematurity diary. Just as useful for your baby once he's grown up as for your first child, it's a way of collecting and preserving the family's emotions, transcribing them into images. Regulated temperature, independent breathing, first cuddle, first bottle... Everything can be pictured for your premature baby. Add to this a drawing of the house, the room that awaits him or her, the whole family, and why not, the goldfish on the dresser and the dog in the garden. Little by little, you'll have a diary that your child can use to recount his or her little brother's or sister's first weeks, to the amazed and impatient grandparents. |
Talking, explaining, reading, showing, soothing
Dropped off at their nanny's, looked after by friends or grandma and grandpa so you can go to the maternity ward every day, older children can feel forgotten or a little jealous of this new baby they don't see, who's hogging all the attention.
For your part, despite the advice of the maternity ward and the love you have for your children, you'll appreciate the help of a support, a framework to know where to start with them, the story of your premature baby.
Think of the books! Their authors, who are aware of or concerned by the subject of prematurity, use gentle words and simple drawings to help parents and children reflect. For a short reading break or a cuddle, we've selected a few books about premature birth, neonatal care and the many questions children may have. Let us know if you've read them and if they've helped you.
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