Postpartum sexuality: 4 preconceived ideas to deconstruct in order to flourish

Sexualité post-partum : les clés pour dépasser les mythes et s’épanouir - Élhée

With just a few weeks to go before welcoming your child, questions are coming thick and fast, sometimes even giving rise to a little bit of anxiety. Mainly related to the baby and the best way to take care of him, they also concern the future of your relationship and its intimacy. Between childbirth, fatigue, pain, a different body, new responsibilities and an organization to review, postpartum sexuality will probably not be what it was. Beyond the myths, let's explore this unique period together.

SUMMARY :

6 weeks are enough to resume a sex life “like before”
Sex will be as good as before pregnancy
I will always want to make love
Breastfeeding won't change my sexuality
Sex After Childbirth: Like a Second First Time
All mothers are in nature…and all women too!
And what about men's feelings in all this?

6 weeks are enough to resume a sex life “like before”

As is often the case, "it depends". Maternity professionals, gynecologists, midwives, etc. recommend a period of 6 weeks without sexual relations after giving birth.

This is to allow the tissues of the vagina, perineum and perhaps the abdomen, if you gave birth by cesarean, to recover. Still fragile, sometimes scarred, they are also more sensitive to infections , particularly through the wound resulting from the broken uterus-placenta connection. But, after this period and unless there are contraindications, women are once again allowed to make love.

But do they want it? Do you want it? That's the question and that's all that matters. If, soon after giving birth to your child, you want your partner, go for it! The intimacy, the love, the endorphins... all of this can only do you good. The first few times, however, take your time and treat yourself to lots of gentleness, then everything should go well.

If, on the contrary, all you want is to sleep, drink and eat, sleep, drink and eat without guilt . You have just given life. If you explain it to him, your partner should understand that your body and mind are tired, that they need the golden month (or more) to rest and regain all their energy before you can share it with him again.

The figures are reassuring on this point: out of a panel of 1,000 young mothers, 17% resumed sexual activity less than a month after giving birth, 44% waited between 1 and 3 months, and 39% more than 3 months. So there is no rush.

Another study conducted by the University of Lorraine in 2022 also indicates that the return of postpartum female desire occurs on average 6 weeks and 5 days after childbirth.

Remember: the 6 weeks postpartum are only a medical minimum. Your body and your desires will determine the right time to resume an intimate life. There is no rush: 44% of women wait 1 to 3 months, 39% even longer.

Sex will be as good as before pregnancy

Yes and no, it will be different. In 2023, French women will give birth to their first child on average at 31 years old . An age where sexual fulfillment is at its peak or about to reach it. An age where your relationship is stable, where you know each other as well outside as under the covers. Cuddling is therefore rather pleasant and satisfying.

After having a baby , it is possible that penetration hurts, that you suffer from infections or cystitis , vaginal dryness , that you are unable to relax enough to enjoy... In short, pleasure is of course possible, but may be temporarily difficult to achieve.

This is especially true if you enjoyed sex during pregnancy and took advantage of our pocket kamasutra for pregnant women .

Focus on perineal rehabilitation

You've probably been told that the perineum is the foundation of everything. Not only does it support your baby for 9 months as it grows and gains weight, but it also protects you from urinary leaks and helps you increase your sexual pleasure through new sensations.

Of course, you don't have to do this, but after the birth of a child, you should know that social security fully reimburses 10 perineal rehabilitation sessions to be taken with a physiotherapist or midwife. Take advantage of this to put all the chances on your side in terms of both comfort and sexuality. (And, I promise, it's not that unpleasant.)

Remember: your intimacy will naturally evolve after birth. The sensations will be different, and that's normal. Perineal rehabilitation and open communication in your relationship will help you gradually regain a fulfilling sexuality.

I will always want to make love

There's nothing sexier than a man who takes care of his child, especially if the man in question is the one you love and is holding your tiny baby in his arms. But, in the postpartum period, mister may have some competition.

Taking a quiet shower (not even a long one, just a quiet one), eating the dish you've been dreaming of for so long (cheese tacos, raclette in the summer, sushi, spring rolls, mille-feuille, etc.) or sleeping for more than three hours straight are just a few examples.

Add in the need to schedule cuddles between feedings and don't be surprised if your romantic impulses temporarily slip away .

Remember: A temporary drop in desire is perfectly normal after childbirth. Between fatigue, discomfort and new priorities, give yourself time to regain your sensations. Your well-being is the priority.

Breastfeeding won't change my sexuality

That's right, before becoming a mother and breastfeeding your child, you were probably wondering how breastfeeding could interfere with your sexuality. Yes, why?

Simply because the hormones produced by breastfeeding , oxytocin and prolactin, do not promote sexual desire, on the contrary, they lower libido . If you also think about the overwhelming fatigue of the first months, co-rooming with baby in your room and the organization between feedings which breaks the spontaneity a little, you will understand that breastfeeding can have an impact on your postpartum sexuality.

Not to mention the discomfort, perhaps, of having “several hats” and switching from the role of nurturing mother to that of partner in the same day.

Remember: Breastfeeding naturally influences your libido through the hormones it produces. Between oxytocin, prolactin, fatigue and the organization of feedings, your desire can fluctuate. Some women sometimes find it difficult to juggle their role as a breastfeeding mother and partner - this is perfectly understandable. Give yourself time to find your balance.

Sex After Childbirth: Like a Second First Time

A vaginal birth rarely leaves you indifferent: the passage of a baby weighing 2 to 3 kilos can have physical consequences that must be taken into account. Often, postpartum, young mothers express their fears at the idea of putting a tampon back in during their period, but also simply at the beginning, of peeing. And this is normal. The zone, once erogenous, is now sore, perhaps sutured and also relaxed... a situation that is sometimes difficult to accept.

If this is the case for you, re-tame your body before sharing it again . This can be done by looking at it through a mirror, but also by touching it, first to feel, then, if you wish, to caress. Solitary pleasures are perhaps the best way to reawaken desire and pleasure after the trauma of birth.

And if it's still early, explore another sexuality, without penetration , according to erogenous zones that you may not yet be aware of. For everything to go well, discuss, exchange, explain to your partner what feels good and what, on the contrary, hurts you, what you like and what you prefer to avoid for the moment.

For both of you, it is about relearning intimacy in a new form , at least for a while, with a lot of gentleness and a few new codes. So, even if you yourself are navigating blindly, do not hesitate to guide as finely as possible the one who shares your life.

All mothers are in nature…and all women too!

Heightened, intimate or fluctuating, each has their own libido before and after childbirth. Also, if all mothers are in nature , all women are there too. And, when they meet, it is a whole personal alchemy that is reinvented.

So, you will be able to be more fulfilled with your partner after giving birth , for various reasons, physical of course, but also emotional and self-perception.

And if that's not the case, don't panic. Sexuality evolves throughout life, with ups and downs , magical moments and calm moments. There is no doubt that with love, patience, dialogue and a lot of listening, you will soon find your complicity again.

And what about men's feelings in all this?

Devoted teammates, dads experience the postpartum period in parallel. A study conducted in 2023 by the Clermont-Ferrand School of Midwives, sheds light on their feelings after the arrival of the baby.

Unsurprisingly, they too go through an adaptation phase : hugs and attention become rarer, priorities change (hello interrupted nights, medical appointments, bottle or breastfeeding every two hours, etc.), and desire sometimes takes a vacation on both sides.

But, what emerges above all from the interviews conducted, is the importance of maintaining exchanges within the couple . "We communicate less than before the baby was born." "It's more complicated." "We have a lot of trouble understanding each other." It's not always easy, it's true, to find the right words when time and listening are limited.

And yet, it is by talking, each at their own pace and with their own words, that complicity is maintained or reinvented after birth. Because yes, the resumption of intimacy is an adventure to be experienced as a couple, where patience and communication make the most beautiful difference!

Regaining sexuality after giving birth: what to do if it's still complicated after 3 or 6 months?

If, as the weeks go by, intercourse remains difficult or painful, first give yourself all the gentleness and understanding you deserve. Your body has accomplished something extraordinary and is continuing its path of healing. Some women find their intimate life fulfilled again quickly after giving birth, others need several months - both situations are perfectly normal.

Never forget that you alone have control over your body and your desires . There is no place for pressure, obligation, or “musts” in this very personal time of your life. If you don’t feel ready, it’s not the right time. And that’s OK.

However, you are not alone in this step. Caring professionals are there to support you : midwives, gynecologists or sexologists will listen to you and offer you suitable solutions. Your body speaks to you, take the time to listen to it and understand it. Also take the time to explain to your partner your pain, your discomfort and your feelings .

Take the postpartum period as an invitation to rediscover your intimacy, perhaps differently, but always gently and with the greatest respect for your feelings. Because the only thing that matters at this moment is your well-being and your fulfillment.