For many new and expectant mothers, sleep is THE subject that keeps coming up, to the point of becoming stubborn. During the last month of pregnancy, we often hear: "Enjoy it while you can still sleep!" "Get all the sleep you can!" Once the baby is born, the point of view shifts slightly, but the question of sleep remains omnipresent: "So, is he or she sleeping through the night?" sometimes accompanied by a "Oh really, not yet?" sometimes guilt-inducing, sometimes exasperating.
What if we admitted that we don't control a baby's sleep? That their cycles are unique to them and can change at any time? That there is no miracle method, but above all an immense need for listening, observation and kindness ?
ARTICLE SUMMARY:
- No more tears and loneliness, make way for support and kindness
- Baby sleep: tips and tricks, but always with patience
- Revolutionary (or not), 2 methods to try to make your nights easier
- As parents, don't forget yourself in your child's sleep
No more tears and loneliness, make way for support and kindness
For a long time, young parents were advised to let their baby cry in the evening on the pretexts that he had to unload the emotions of the day, that he would never stop crying if his parents went to see him at the slightest cry, or that he would eventually stop when he was tired. "Advice" from grandmothers who meant well, but which we now know has no virtue for infants.
When a baby cries, it is always to express a need , never because he does it on purpose or to push his parents to the limit. So, leaving a baby to cry alone in his bed is like letting him deal alone with emotions that are too strong, negative or contradictory that he does not understand. Is he hungry? Is he cold? Is he in pain? Does he need company or is something scaring him?
What we do know, however, is that an infant who cries without being comforted sees his stress level increase . While the consequences of stress in infants are still poorly understood, child sleep specialists believe that the repercussions can last into adulthood.
Conversely, many studies have proven the benefits of attention, hugs, caresses, rocking and skin-to-skin contact on falling asleep . This kindness from the mother to her child, from the parent to her infant, reassures the newborn and strengthens the bonds of love. It could even give rise to and strengthen the levels of confidence and empathy of the child who has grown up.
Baby sleep: tips and tricks, but always with patience
Concerning baby sleep, if you already have a child you know, there is no miracle recipe . It's a bit of a stroke of luck or which way the wind blows. If you are expecting your first child, I might as well tell you one thing, the sleep of a 1 month old baby is different from the sleep of a 3 month old baby, just as a baby's sleep can be disturbed after a vaccine or teething.
Some people sleep through the night quickly while others take years to regulate their rest hours. Genetic or environmental factors, but also biological factors, can promote good sleep or, on the contrary, cause the onset of sleep disorders. Despite everything, there are some tips for sleeping well and promoting peaceful sleep in babies .
The bedtime ritual
Nothing is more reassuring for your little baby than following a precise bedtime ritual with you every night. In the first weeks of life, nighttime is perhaps the longest period of separation between you and your child. Reassuring habits such as going to bed at a set time , reading a story , listening to a lullaby or bath time can help you guide your baby towards a peaceful and restful sleep.
A cool, dark room
What could be more annoying than an overheated room, pajamas that are too warm or sheets that are too thick when they are not needed? In the same way, a room that is too bright or a night light that is too strong can disturb your baby's sleep. To help him fall asleep more easily and avoid waking up due to discomfort as much as possible, set the thermostat to 18°C and plunge the room into darkness .
Did you know? In Denmark (where temperatures rarely exceed 20°C at the height of summer), babies nap outdoors! On a balcony, in front of a café or in a park, it is not surprising to find strollers parked instead of scooters or bicycles. A habit that is said to have many virtues: easier falling asleep, longer and more flexible naps, immune system strengthened by the great outdoors...
Putting baby to bed awake
To avoid waking up with a start at the end of the first sleep cycle , put your child in bed awake as often as possible so that he or she falls asleep aware of his or her surroundings and the fact that he or she is alone in bed.
Avoiding “sleep debt”
A baby who is too tired can no longer rest because he is too nervous or excited. He only takes micronaps, is often in a bad mood, moaning or prone to crying. He gets annoyed quickly. Contrary to what one might logically imagine, a baby who sleeps well during the day also sleeps well at night .
While infants can sleep up to 20 hours a day , a 4-month-old baby's sleep time is 14 to 16 hours a day. By 6 months, a baby typically takes three naps a day, the last of which is in the late afternoon, often disappearing before a year. By the age of 3, many children are down to one nap in the early afternoon.
Play soft music
A lullaby or a piece of classical music can help babies drift off to sleep. Mozart and Beethoven are said to be particularly effective in this regard.
To create a calm and soothing environment, place the player far enough away from the bed and set the volume very low to help baby relax. You can also try white noise : raindrops, heartbeats or the regular movements of the washing machine drum, but always with a soft volume and a muffled sound.
Using herbal medicine
Plants have virtues that are interesting to exploit for the well-being of children. Are you breastfeeding? Before the evening feed, treat yourself to a herbal tea based on verbena, lemon balm or lime blossom which will have the merit of relaxing you and promoting a calmer sleep for your baby.
From 3 months, you can add other plants such as Roman chamomile or orange blossom . In herbal tea to let cool, or in the form of hydrosol for a ready-to-use formula, they accompany baby with their calming or relaxing effect.
Identify and anticipate phases of anxiety
Between 9 and 18 months, we speak of separation anxiety . Between 2 and 5 years, the young child may have nightmares or be afraid of monsters and ghosts. This period also corresponds to several realizations. At this age, he or she also begins to confront others, especially at the time of schooling.
These different changes — and many others — can create a feeling of anxiety or stress that can affect the quality of sleep . As a mother or parent, knowing and anticipating them allows you to adjust different elements such as bedtime or the time needed for the story as well as its choice.
In the background, the fluctuations of life!
You may be lucky enough to have a baby who sleeps through the night quickly, or who responds well to the various little tips for good sleep mentioned above. However, there will undoubtedly be setbacks, nights that are more complicated than others and perhaps more lasting regressions for a few weeks, but always interspersed with calm and increasingly long nights.
So, show all the patience you can , hand over when necessary and when you can, but above all tell yourself that this period is passing and that, if finding rest proves too difficult, there is necessarily a solution for you and your child.
Revolutionary (or not), 2 methods to try to make your nights easier
As you research baby sleep, you may have discovered that there are methods, praised by some parents and decried by others, that can help children fall asleep much more easily. So, has this changed your nights or is it the status quo? Tell us!
Reassure baby with “Chrono-Dodo”
The method advocated by Aude Becquart in her book " The Chrono-Dodo Method: Helping Your Child Sleep Well " published by LEDUC is simple and caring. However, it may require a certain amount of patience.
Start by making sure of the basics . Your baby or child is not sick, is comfortably settled in their own bed and feels safe both physically and emotionally: enough to let go enough to fall asleep.
The Chrono-Dodo method then proceeds as follows: once baby is in bed, explain to him that you are going to leave the room for 15 seconds before coming back to see him for 10 seconds. If the presence times are too short, a 2-minute cuddle break can be added.
As the days go by, the absence times become longer and longer. From 15 seconds, go to 30, then 45 seconds… All so that your little one learns to fall asleep independently and without stress . The goal of frequent back-and-forths is to be able to welcome his emotions and reassure him if necessary. It is not a question of letting baby cry, but of taking your time at each level.
Observe your biological rhythm with the Pantley method
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of the book "A peaceful and tearless sleep" published by ADA. For this Canadian parenting coach, the key to success for peaceful sleep for children lies in observing their biological rhythm. In a way, the creation of a tailor-made method adapted to each person.
The first step is observation. While your baby is sleeping, watch him carefully and note everything that relates to his sleeping habits . In what position does he sleep? At what point does he start to move, to cry? Does he look for his pacifier when it falls? Does he seem lost in his bed? Do certain sounds make him jump, if so, which ones?
You will then make a schedule for your child's sleep over the coming months and establish an unchanging and pleasant bedtime ritual. From cuddles to massages to baths or a lullaby sung by mom, it's up to you to see what makes him happy.
Finally, gradually, baby will learn to fall asleep without a pacifier and without being at your breast. The feeding may initially end just before falling asleep, but gradually become shorter and eventually disappear.
This method allows you to gradually give your child more autonomy and control over their own falling asleep , but requires everyone to be ready, particularly because of the elimination of the last feed of the day if you are breastfeeding.
And what about co-sleeping?
Co-sleeping is the act of sharing your bed with your baby every night . For everything to go well, the practice requires some attention and precautions : use a firm mattress and pillows, do not cover your baby too much and leave duvets with buttons, small bows or ribbons in the closet.
However, once you are well settled, co-sleeping offers several advantages : your constant presence reassures your baby, by adjusting to your breathing, he has less difficulty falling back to sleep between each sleep cycle and also, he regulates his body temperature more easily thanks to yours. If you are breastfeeding your baby, co-sleeping is also a way to stay comfortably installed in bed together during feeding times.
Are you hesitant? Are you afraid for your baby? Think about cohabitation! This means sleeping in the same room, but not in the same bed, for example, with your little one's crib or cot right next to yours.
Parents! Don't forget yourself in your child's sleep
A child who is calm and happy in his life is often a child who sleeps better, if not well. And what could be more soothing than a happy and fulfilled family life? Also, it is essential not to forget yourself in your fight to promote your child's sleep. Take care of yourself, pamper yourself .
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Remember that sleep is above all a question of letting go and kindness , a unique moment each day, when your child entrusts himself entirely to you, to your protection.
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Also remember that some children have sleep-onset skills that others do not.
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Also remember that advice that encourages you to let him cry a little, to feed him more, to hold him less in your arms… is worth nothing or not much. Above all, trust your instinct! It is your best advisor.
There should be no injunction, no "musts", no "you must" in these moments. Just precious listening and gentle moments whispered at the entrance of the heart to be irremediably engraved there.
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