Être en couple et devenir parents : comment conjuguer vie de famille et sexualité ? - Élhée

Being in a relationship and becoming parents: how to combine family life and sexuality?

On the Journal d'Élhée , we often talk to you about babies and their well-being, mixed breastfeeding and " How To ", without forgetting our bibRonds with a delicately ergonomic design . That said, before giving life we ​​must give birth to love and to do this, create intimacy . Intimacy at first exclusive to the couple then for a time turned upside down or even mishandled by baby, before being – for the happiness of all – passionately rediscovered. But, while making love is good for morale, health and even for family balance , the idea of ​​experiencing fulfilled sexuality is still too often relegated to the rank of secondary need by new parents.

Giving birth to a baby, a new rhythm to find

Between fatigue, lack of time for oneself and lack of intimacy as a couple, the arrival of a baby shakes up the couple's habits . From fiery lovers you become responsible parents, for the duration of a (sometimes long) day at the maternity ward .

Learn to (re)know yourself

As a mother and with all the power that this word has , before even talking about sexuality, it is essential to talk about recognition and reappropriation of oneself .

Even well experienced, a pregnancy – even more so if it is the first – is an upheaval for the body and the mind . Reactions and emotions, physical and hormonal changes, pain, discomfort, new sensations... Every mother must be able to take the time to tame her body and her desires again after the birth of a child .

For your partner too, the transition can be chaotic. As a woman, you are no longer just his sexual partner, but also the mother who watches over his young child. He or she may feel excluded from the relationship with your newborn.

Find your love balance

Among the factors that influence desire among new parents is fatigue. Baby doesn't sleep at night, he's sick, he's teething, he wakes up with a start after a nightmare... When you don't sleep, not well or not enough, especially after returning to work, energy quickly diminishes. missing and with it tone, good humor and any sexual desire . You may have chosen to co-sleep, or to place the baby's bed in your room for more security, responsiveness, but a little less privacy.

Fortunately, there's more to life than just bed and nighttime sex.

If the postpartum period is not necessarily the period when women feel the most desirable and enthusiastic about somersaults on the washing machine or on the sofa, these moments of intimacy, sometimes stolen, sometimes planned , can be the opportunity for looks and caresses, for laughter too and why lots of laughter, perfect for getting together.

Stress, exhaustion, despondency... These ailments, although common among new parents, must remain occasional. Otherwise, over time, they can develop into postpartum depression. A good preventative gesture? Create walls, get some fresh air, talk, treat yourself to precious moments together.

Create bubbles of intimacy

Does “the desire to want” remind you of anyone? Perhaps simply you, in front of the mirror, one fine morning or in the middle of the night, a few weeks or months after the birth of your child.

How to express your desire after a more or less long period without intimate relationships? Your partner is still the same and yet not quite. You too have changed a little. You both became parents. Despite this, don't be ashamed of your desire, don't be embarrassed or burdened by it. Recognizing that you want him or her is undoubtedly the first step towards a (new) fulfilled sexuality .

Enjoy every quiet moment

If before baby, the rule was “cuddles at all hours”, now you will have to organize yourself. At least a little. While this new rhythm sets in, you can hang your available time slots for a cuddle on the fridge , or slip the “improvised happy hour schedule” into your lover's pocket .

  • With a baby: early (very early) in the morning, in the middle of the night or during a nap, in short, when your child is sound asleep, take the opportunity to slip into bed too!
  • With an older child: after dropping him off at a birthday snack, at his extracurricular activity, when he is at the cinema with his grandparents, at his nanny's house or at daycare if you have managed to fit in a little more both early.

Organizing a romantic dinner, a real solution?

Why not ? Any kind of attention is good as long as you are interested in each other and don't just spend time side by side. Talk to each other, look into each other's eyes, remember why we are in love, touch each other, compliment each other ... and not just comment on dinner.

As you know, female desire is much more complex than a plate of spaghetti, however tasty it may be.

So, yes to the romantic dinner, but always and even more so after the birth of a child, as if it were the first. Like 5, 10, or more years ago, when the most exciting challenge of your life was to charm him or her .

If dinner is perhaps followed by a whole night of freedom, what better way to create a real moment of intimacy? Find yourself and rediscover your bodies inch by inch? But always without pressure. After a good meal and a few weeks of broken nights, you may just want to sleep. And it doesn't matter! What parent has never been torn between the desire for a wild night of love and the desire to fall into a deep sleep for more than 4 hours in a row?

Sexuality and the couple during pregnancy

5 tips for remaining (or becoming) lovers again when you have children

Your house therefore no longer accommodates just two, but three people, including a very small human being who is currently totally dependent on you. But, despite his needs, there's no reason why your love nest shouldn't remain one. Part-time perhaps, but a love nest nonetheless.

Secure your privacy zone

“This is my space and this is your space.” The film Dirty Dancing , Cha Cha's lesson! You remember ? Although the two actors do not have a child to interrupt their dancing, the notion of personal space and intimacy is physically demonstrated.

It's the same thing with the parent/child couple. Everyone must have their own space and learn to respect that of the other.

The master bedroom is not a playroom, just as the bed is not a trampoline. Because before being parents you are a couple, your bedroom is a zone of intimacy which must be protected so that you can live your own loving relationship or dance the Cha Cha if you wish.

As soon as possible, offer a touch, a caress, a kiss

“ASAP”, if the use of the formula is subject to debate at the end of professional emails, the hug “As Soon As Possible” is highly recommended. Between two doors a kiss, passing each other in the hallway an explicit look, on the stairs or passing near your desk a caress, in the morning when you wake up, in the evening when you go to bed... All times are good to share a gesture of love .

Hugging releases oxytocin, the well-being hormone. There is therefore no reason to deprive yourself of the contact of his fingers, his lips, his warmth and his softness.

Every day, attention for him or for her

Show him or her as soon as possible how important he or she is in your life . Start with a small gesture every day, but don't limit yourself, for the well-being of your couple, to show them your interest and to awaken theirs.

  • Have the children eat before you and enjoy a few hours alone over a delivered meal that saves you from cooking.
  • Anticipate with a few races on Friday evening so that you can be quiet all weekend and don't need to go out under any circumstances.
  • Get up at night to change your little one's diaper or give him or her a bottle, without your partner having to ask you, just so he or she can get some rest.
  • Take the laundry out of the machine , run the eco program in the dishwasher, take out the trash, etc., in short, take charge of part of everyday life.
  • Prepare a bath for them while they put your child to sleep in their room, buy their favorite cake at the bakery, serve them a hot coffee when you know it will be fully appreciated...

Every month, organize a meeting for two

What's better to spark the desire for cuddles than a date? While you thought they were put away in the first months of your relationship, the idea of ​​bringing them up to date gives rise to butterflies in your stomach and that's so much the better.

Don't hesitate for a single second. Once a month or more if you can, reserve a good table at a restaurant, cinema tickets, plan a walk in the woods, an afternoon shopping at garage sales ... Do what you love, do without children and above all without feeling guilty.

To help you, think of grandparents, close friends or why not, an extra afternoon at daycare.

Don't hesitate to make this moment truly exceptional by slipping in a few naughty little words, for example, scribbled on paper or sent by text message, under the watchful eyes of the one you love.

Forever, recognize your qualities

Develop a real culture of positive feelings towards yourself and towards your partner .

" You are magic ". Fortunately, magic is everywhere, even in moments of fatigue, in everyday life, even when you don't see it. The real magic is within you, more or less buried depending on the day. It's up to you to reveal it by constantly recognizing new qualities in yourself.

  • You are an exceptional mother, you are a caring father
  • You are a magnificent woman, you are an exciting man
  • I love your humor, I love your way of seeing life
  • Your dimples when you smile make me lose my senses, your smile is so cute, I have always loved seeing it appear on your lips

It’s also about remaining lovers while being parents. Remember why we are together, what brought us together and made us want to have a child together . Combine small words, small touches, small gestures and more explicit statements when you have the opportunity. With a little time and patience, you undoubtedly have the right formula to rekindle the flame, the passion and the ardor between you.

Some days it won't work, your mind will be elsewhere, work or raising the children will take over and that's normal. The idea to find a fulfilling sex life is to make your authenticity seductive in the simplest device, desirable the first wrinkle in your flirtatious smile and attracting the first graying hair .

Back to blog
1 of 3