- We are not born a mother, we become one
- Being pregnant, a profound physical and psychological transformation
- Speak, express yourself to silence anxieties
- Let's demystify pregnancy!
Expecting a child, being pregnant, carrying life... So many variations for just as many ways of experiencing the same situation. If every woman is different, each pregnancy is even more so , with its ups and downs. Happy, fulfilling, revealing, even liberating, pregnancy is often presented as one of the most beautiful moments in a woman's life. So what do you do when negative feelings take over? When there are too many difficult times? How can we understand that the joy of the positive pregnancy test disappeared so quickly? Yes, it happens that pregnancy is a bad experience. Let evils take precedence over words. That some women suffer their state instead of appreciating it as the pinnacle of their femininity.
We are not born a mother, we become one
In his piece Papaoutai, Stromae writes: “Everyone knows how babies are made, but no one knows how dads are made.” The female reciprocal is also true. If the maternal instinct exists without possible contradiction, it is neither a due, nor an automatism, nor an intrinsic element in each woman. It is, or it is not. And when it isn't, it's a myth that collapses. Including often, for women who don't feel it. “We are not born a mother, we become one” Women who have had a bad experience or are having a bad time with their pregnancy know this.
When, for some, these nine months form a long, calm river, for others, expecting a child is an unpleasant moment at best, and at worst, which leads them towards depression. But where does this feeling come from? How can we explain that pregnancy is experienced as discomfort, fear or even pain? Because the desire to have a child and the desire to become pregnant do not always go hand in hand, “I don't like being pregnant” is a legitimate sentence, which in no way makes those who say it bad mothers.
Being pregnant, a profound physical and psychological transformation
Pregnancy is an exceptional and overwhelming state. Unique too, even if it happens several times in a lifetime. Throughout the nine months that life takes to settle into a woman's body, it goes through many intense states and equally radical changes. These transformations, not always desired, sometimes undergone, can be the source of discomfort.
The ills of pregnancy
The ailments of pregnancy, visible and invisible, can be more or less disturbing. In the first trimester, nausea and fatigue are often intense. In the last trimester, urination is too frequent as is insomnia, moving around alone becomes difficult and stretch marks appear. In the meantime, various pains (in the back, legs, pelvis, head, etc.) are sometimes felt so intensely that they take up all the space. For the first babies, often added fear of childbirth ; whether it is very long, painful, or does not go as planned. Weight gain, even when it is not significant, can also become a problem with body changes that are difficult to accept. Some women feel like they are leaving behind their pre-pregnancy body, their figure and with them, a whole way of life.
An unprecedented psychological upheaval
Once the euphoria of the announcement and the first weeks of pregnancy have passed, the awareness becomes more and more powerful, life grows within you. From stressful in the face of the unknown, this not yet entirely tangible reality can become oppressive. Food, lifestyle, appointments and medical examinations… Faced with the numerous demands imposed on pregnant women, the feeling of loss of control can be disconcerting. Memories of old painful experiences may reappear. Miscarriage, interrupted pregnancy, difficult childbirth, traumatic stories... These ordeals, experienced or recounted, are sometimes the cause of extreme anxiety, capable of obscuring the happiness of a desired pregnancy. A difficult relationship with the mother, the absence of a father, things left unsaid, a painful childhood... Pregnancy is often compared to an emotional tidal wave capable of bringing the most deeply buried wounds to the surface, thus plunging those who feel them into a sadness that is difficult to understand.
Speak, express yourself to silence anxieties
To try to live the next 9 months as best as possible, try to identify and understand where your feelings are coming from. A good first step for this? Free yourself from the thoughts and advice that will undoubtedly be addressed to you:
- “Wait, pregnancy is so fulfilling” (not necessarily)
- “You’re still weird for not liking being pregnant” (no)
- “It’s going to come, you’ll see” (and then, if it doesn’t come?)
Also ask your loved ones, your family. The fact that you are having difficulty with your pregnancy may be directly linked to your personal history. Talking about it can help you put your finger on the missing piece of the puzzle. The prenatal interview which usually takes place at the end of the first trimester is another opportunity to speak with your midwife or gynecologist and express your feelings.
Relieve the pressure of the “ideal pregnancy”
Too often, pregnancy is idealized. Above all, allow yourself to experience this moment differently and mourn the pregnancy as you perhaps imagined it. Also tell yourself that this is only a temporary condition, that it will not last and that it will not prevent you from being the best mother for your child. Don't like being pregnant? Tell it to anyone who will listen, or not. Once the milestones are in place, you will undoubtedly have less need to justify yourself. Understand who can. The important thing is that you make the best of the months that separate you from giving birth.
Freeing the floor around a failed gynecological experience
More and more women are admitting it. They did not like, or even hated, their pregnancy follow-up. Infantilization, derogatory remarks about their weight gain, their emotionality, their way of managing stress, lack of consideration of their choices, their opinions... Strong words and behaviors which can create discomfort, especially when They come from a health professional.
When the discomfort is deep: putting words to prenatal depression
Less and less taboo, postnatal depression, also called baby blues or postpartum depression, today recognizes the difficulty of the transition from woman to mother, upon the birth of a child. Gold, several studies show that untreated prenatal depression can lead to baby blues. Uncontrollable stress, poor self-image, lack of confidence in one's own abilities, physical and sleep disorders, sadness, fatigue... These signs, benign if isolated and temporary, can raise the alarm when they take hold.
Let's demystify pregnancy!
Through your many messages, you let us know every day, there is no standard in terms of love, feelings, emotions and of course pregnancy. So yes, we can say it, if being pregnant offers magnificent breasts, blossoming curves and silky hair (thanks hormones), pregnancy ailments (stretch marks, nausea, fatigue, hemorrhoids to name a few), make that you may not like being pregnant, which is not so surprising.
So, if you don't like your pregnancy, if you are dealing with postpartum depression or if, for you, unconditional love for baby did not come in the blink of an eye, rest assured, you you are not alone.
All mothers, mums to be, all warrior or fulfilled mothers have experienced ups and downs, before, during or after their pregnancy. Just like there is no such thing as a perfect mom, there is no such thing as a perfect pregnancy. Instead, because all mothers are in nature, for each woman there are days sunnier than others, waking up more or less joyful and a reflection in the mirror that is sometimes difficult to recognize and accept.
Together, let's demystify pregnancy. Let's stop the injunctions and allow each other to experience our intimacy, as we feel.