Post-partum sexuality: the keys to overcoming myths and blossoming

With just a few weeks to go before you welcome your child, the questions start to pile up, sometimes even giving rise to a little anxiety. Mainly related to baby and the best way to look after him, they also concern the future of your relationship and its intimacy. Between childbirth, fatigue, pain, a different body, new responsibilities and a new way of organizing, post-partum sexuality is unlikely to be what it was. So let's explore this unique period together.

CONTENTS :

• 6 weeks is all it takes to get your sex life back to normal
• Sex will be as good as before pregnancy
• I'll always want to make love so much
• Breastfeeding won't change my sexuality
• Sex after childbirth: like a second first time
• All mothers are natural... and so are all women!
• And what about men's feelings?

6 weeks is all it takes to get your sex life back to normal

As is often the case, "it depends". Birth professionals, gynecologists, midwives... recommend a 6-week period without sexual relations after childbirth.

This is to allow the tissues of the vagina, perineum and perhaps the abdomen, if you gave birth by caesarean section, to recover. Still fragile and sometimes scarred, they are also more susceptible to infection, particularly from the wound resulting from the broken uterus-placenta link. However, once this period has elapsed and unless there are any contraindications, women are once again allowed to make love.

But do they want to? Do you want to? That's the question, and that's what counts. So if you've just had your baby and you're longing for your partner, go for it! The intimacy, the love, the endorphins... all this can only do you good. The first few times, however, take your time and give yourself plenty of gentleness, so everything should go smoothly.

If, on the other hand, all you want to do is sleep, drink and eat, then sleep, drink and eat without guilt. You've just given birth. If you explain it to him, your partner should understand that your body and mind are tired, thatthey need the golden month (or more) to rest and regain all their energy before they can share it with him again.

The figures are reassuring on this point: on a panel of 1,000 young mothers, 17% resumed sexuality less than a month after giving birth, 44% waited between 1 and 3 months, and 39% more than 3 months. So there's no rush. 

Another study, carried out by the University of Lorraine in 2022, shows that the return of post-partum female desire averages 6 weeks and 5 days after childbirth.

Remember: 6 weeks post-delivery is only a medical minimum. Your body and your desires will determine the right time to resume an intimate life. There's no hurry: 44% of women wait 1 to 3 months, 39% even longer.

Sex will be as good as before pregnancy

Yes and no, it will be different. In 2023, the average age at which French women give birth to their first child is 31. An age when sexual fulfillment is at its peak or on the verge of reaching it. It's an age when your relationship is stable, when you know each other just as well outside as you do in bed. So cuddling can be quite pleasurable and satisfying.

After having a baby, penetration may hurt, you may suffer frominfections or cystitis, vaginal dryness, you may not be able to relax enough to enjoy... In short, pleasure is of course possible, but may momentarily be difficult to achieve.

This is especially true if you enjoyed sex during pregnancy and took advantage of our pocket kamasutra for pregnant women.

Focus on perineal reeducation

As you've probably heard, the perineum is the foundation of everything. Not only does it support your baby for 9 months as he grows and gains weight, but it also protects you from bladder weakness and helps you to increase your sexual pleasure tenfold through new sensations.

Of course, you don't have to do this, but after the birth of a child, the social security system will reimburse the full cost of 10 sessions of perineal re-education to be taken with a physiotherapist or midwife. Make the most of this opportunity to improve both your comfort and your sexuality. (And, I promise, it's not as unpleasant as all that).

Remember: your intimacy will evolve naturally after birth. Sensations will be different, and that's normal. Perineal re-education and open communication as a couple will help you to gradually rediscover your sexuality.

I'll always want to make love so much

There's nothing sexier than a man taking care of his child, especially if the man in question is the one you love and is holding your tiny baby in his arms. But when you're postpartum, you may have some competition.

Taking a quiet shower (not even a long one, just a quiet one), eating that dish you've been dreaming of for so long (cheese tacos, raclette in summer, sushi, spring rolls, mille-feuille...) or sleeping for more than three hours at a time, are just a few examples.

Add the need to plan cuddles between feeds, don't be surprised if, temporarily, your amorous impulses slip away discreetly.

Remember: a temporary drop in desire is perfectly normal after childbirth. Between fatigue, discomfort and new priorities, give yourself time to rediscover your sensations. Your well-being is the priority.

Breastfeeding won't change my sexuality

That's right, before becoming a mother and breastfeeding your child, you probably wondered how breastfeeding could interfere with your sexuality. Why should it?

Simply because hormones produced by breast-feedingoxytocin and prolactin, do not promote sexual desire. lower libido. If you also think about the overwhelming fatigue of the first few months, the co-rooming with baby in your room and to the organization between feeds, which breaks down spontaneity a little, you'll understand that breastfeeding can have an impact on your post-partum sexuality.

Not to mention the discomfort, perhaps, of "wearing several hats" and switching from the role of nurturing mother to that of partner in the same day.

Remember: breastfeeding naturally influences your libido through the hormones it produces. Between oxytocin, prolactin, fatigue and the organization of feedings, your desire can fluctuate. Some women find it tricky to juggle their roles as breastfeeding mother and partner - and that's perfectly understandable. Give yourself time to find your balance.

Sex after childbirth: like a second first time

A vaginal delivery rarely leaves anyone indifferent: taking a baby from 2 to 3 kilos can have physical consequences that need to be taken into account. In fact, post-partum, young mothers often express their fears at the idea of putting a tampon back in during their period, but also, quite simply at the beginning, of peeing. And this is normal. The area, once erogenous, is now sore, perhaps sutured and also loose... a situation that can be tricky to accept.

If that's your case, reclaim your body before sharing it again. You can do this by looking at yourself through a mirror, but also by touching yourself, first to feel, then, if you wish, to caress. Solitary pleasures are perhaps the best way to reawaken desire and pleasure after the trauma of birth.

And if it's still early, explore a different kind of sexuality, without penetrationIt's all about the erogenous zones that you may not yet be aware of. To ensure that everything goes smoothly, talk things over, explain to your partner what feels good and what doesn't, what you like and what you'd rather avoid for the time being.

For both, it's a question of relearning intimacy in a new waySo, even if you're navigating by sight yourself, don't hesitate to guide the person in your life as carefully as possible. So, even if you're navigating by sight, don't hesitate to guide the person who shares your life as finely as possible.

All mothers are natural... and so are all women!

Exacerbated, intimate or fluctuating, each woman has her own libido before and after childbirth. So, if all mothers are in nature, so are all women. And when they meet, a whole personal alchemy is reinvented.

So you may feel more fulfilled with your partner after giving birth, for a variety of reasons - physical, of course, but also emotional and in terms of how you perceive yourself.

And if you don't, don't panic. Sexuality evolves throughout life, with ups and downs, magical moments and flat lulls. There's no doubt that with love, patience, dialogue and a lot of listening, you'll soon find your complicity again.

And what about men's feelings?

Devoted team-mates, dads experience the post-partum period in parallel. A study conducted in 2023 by the Clermont-Ferrand School of Midwifery sheds light on their feelings after the arrival of baby.

Unsurprisingly, they too go through a phase of adaptation: cuddles and attention become rarer, priorities change (hello interrupted nights, medical appointments, bottle-feeding or breast-feeding every two hours...), and desire sometimes takes a vacation on both sides.

But what emerges above all from the interviews conducted is the importance of maintaining exchanges within the couple. "We don't communicate as much as we did before the baby was born. "It's more complicated. "We have a lot of trouble understanding each other. It's not always easy to find the right words when time and time to listen are limited.

And yet, it's by talking, each at their own pace and with their own words, that complicity is maintained or reinvented after birth. For yes, resuming intimacy is an adventure to be lived together, where patience and communication make the greatest difference!

Sexuality after childbirth: what to do if it's still difficult after 3 or 6 months?

If, as the weeks go by, intercourse remains difficult or painful, first give yourself all the gentleness and understanding you deserve. Your body has accomplished something extraordinary and continues on its healing path. Some women return to a fulfilling intimate life quickly after giving birth, others need several months - both situations are perfectly normal.

Never forget that you alone have control over your body and your desires. No pressure, no obligation, no "must" has any place in this very personal period of your life. If you don't feel ready, it's because it's not the right time. And that's okay.

But you're not alone at this stage. Caring professionals are there to support you: midwives, gynecologists and sex therapists will listen to you and suggest appropriate solutions. Your body speaks to you, so take the time to listen and understand it. Take the time toexplain your pain, discomfort and feelings to your partner.

Think of the post-partum period as an invitation to rediscover your intimacy, perhaps differently, but always gently and with the utmost respect for your sensations. Because the only thing that matters at this moment is your well-being and fulfillment.

Here's some reading to get you started

    - Weizman, Illana (2022). Ceci est notre post-partum: Défaire les mythes et les tabous pour s'émanciper. Marabout.
- Dewarrat, Maryse. (2022). Le désir après bébé. Eyrolles.
- Franck, Nathalie. (2022). Les femmes et leur sexe. Payot & Rivages.
- Collectif Larousse (2023). La vérité sur le sexe après bébé. Larousse.
- Schillaci, Pauline (2021). Enceinte, j'adapte ma sexualité: Dépasser les tabous, durant la grossesse et le post-partum. In Press.