Devenir maman : les questions que l'on se pose toutes ! - Élhée

Becoming a mother: the questions we all ask ourselves!

What's more unique than a pregnancy? Even the mothers of siblings say it: each one happens in a different way. So many reasons, as a future mother and future parents, to ask yourself 1,001 questions about motherhood and its mysteries. Questions that are more or less funny, touching or difficult to ask, which we will try to put into words, together.


The first 1,000 days as a family and you, and you, and you

A baby's first 1,000 days extend from the start of pregnancy until the child is two years old. A little less than 3 years, therefore, of doubts, fears, challenges, learning, immense happiness and sometimes pain, during which motherhood is born and flourishes.

Nothing could be more normal than that for you to wonder about the right way to do things , the well-being of your little one , your relationship , your emotions and your feelings . Nothing is more normal than not finding all the answers, at least not always easily.

During this time, make sure you surround yourself well , always try to put things into perspective , and above all, ask ; to your gynecologist, to your midwife, to your mother, to your friends... No matter the surprise or misunderstandings, each question is legitimate , especially the questions of a future or a young mother.

The pregnancy in question

When should I announce my pregnancy?

After the first surprise, the first shock, the incredible happiness of the revelation (you are expecting a child!) the question quickly arises: who to announce the big news to, when and how? Here, two teams rub shoulders. On the one hand, the fans of the announcement with great fanfare, without filter and as soon as possible. On the other hand, couples who prefer to wait to be sure and postpone the pregnancy announcement until after 12 weeks and the first dating ultrasound.

Why don't I like being pregnant?

Some mothers-to-be don't like being pregnant or don't fully experience this period. The cause is the ailments of pregnancy (hello nausea, fatigue, cramps, weight gain, stretch marks, etc.), stress , back-to-back medical appointments , hypersensitivity at all levels... Nothing It is therefore more normal that this period can be difficult to live through.

How do I know if I'm going to be a good mother?

All mothers are in nature , you know it, we know it. So, if it is difficult to predict the future and to know what mother you will make, the best way to experience motherhood well is undoubtedly to trust yourself. As soon as possible, focus on gentleness and kindness towards your child, but also towards yourself.

And because the perfect parent does not exist , try to be lenient towards each other. This will avoid some peaks of frustration and unnecessary pressure. Remember that as new parents, you are both beginners.

When pregnant, can I tan, wear makeup and wear high heels?

While pregnant, you can do almost anything. Tan? It's possible, but in small doses (for vitamin D), well protected by a suitable sunscreen and a large hat which will prevent the appearance of the pregnancy mask.

When it comes to makeup, pay close attention to the composition of your products by avoiding, for example, essential oils and potentially allergenic compounds. It may be time to give your skin a break or to test the skincare ranges for future mothers .

Finally, nothing prohibits wearing heels while expecting a baby, but it is quite possible that a pair of New Balance will quickly become more appropriate for your comfort .

Can I sleep on my stomach?

Eh yes ! It may seem surprising, but when you are pregnant, you can sleep on your stomach as long as the position is comfortable for you. Baby is perfectly protected, there is no risk of crushing him.

How to avoid constipation for 9 months?

Among the ailments of pregnancy, functional constipation can be difficult and even painful to live with. If you suffer from it, first of all, don't panic, baby is in no danger. For your part, it's time to start a cure of fiber , fruits and vegetables - especially prunes - and mineral water , coupled with long daily walks to activate your transit.

5 questions future mothers have about childbirth

How do I know when I'm going to give birth?

This is the big question that worries all future mothers. The presumed date of delivery (DPA) is calculated from the presumed date of the last ovulation to which 9 months are added . So, if your last period was on March 3, ovulation took place around March 17 (14 days later). Your DPA is therefore set for December 17.

How long does childbirth last?

Again, it all depends. Is this your first birth? Are you expecting a big baby? What is the position of your stomach? And yours for giving birth? If health professionals estimate the duration of a first delivery at 16 hours , then at 6 hours for the second, these averages remain very variable from one woman to another .

As a mother-to-be, once you get started, you will have no choice but to perform until the baby arrives. However, massages, support and local anesthesia can help you get enough energy.

As a future father, you can choose to assist your partner or wait in the background. In either case, it is advisable to avoid complaining about fatigue or the discomfort of motherhood. This could be misinterpreted!

How to manage childbirth pain?

Depending on your delivery and the intensity of the pain, two options are available to you. The medication option usually includes epidural or spinal anesthesia in case of cesarean section. The non-drug option focuses on the birthing position , movements during labor , breathing techniques , self-hypnosis , mental preparation , massages or even the use of water in the form of a bath. or shower , to relieve.

Can I request an epidural at the last minute?

Yes, you can ask for an epidural whenever you want , even if you initially refused it. Note, however, that its effects can take up to 30 minutes and that there are contraindications to its use and side effects such as vomiting or headaches.

If I give birth by cesarean section, can my partner be present?

As they often say: “it depends”. Generally speaking, your partner will be able to attend the birth of your child by cesarean section if it is planned and without complications . You will also need to obtain consent from the maternity ward, to be requested in advance.

Will I stay awake during the C-section?

In most cases, it is indeed possible for the mother to stay awake during the cesarean section. A sterile operating field is then set up at the level of your bust and local-regional anesthesia is started for your lower body. This method allows you to see and kiss your newborn right away.

How to avoid episiotomy?

If nothing guarantees avoiding episiotomy, methods of preparing for childbirth give you some tips to put all the chances on your side. Massages and exercises of the perineum are combined with reasoned pushing and good stress management , to avoid tears and episiotomy.

Of course, it's also a question of size: yours, that of your pelvis and that of your unborn baby.

Breastfed or bottle-fed, all the advice for feeding baby well

How do I know if my baby is eating enough?

The breastfed baby's need is estimated at 8 feedings per 24 hours during the first month . For bottle-fed babies, count on 60 to 90 ml of milk per kilo of body weight divided into several bottles over the day .

That said, if your baby feels good , if you feel good, if he is pleasant most of the time, if he fills his diapers several times a day and if he gains weight regularly, you can be reassured, he eats his fill. However, if you have the slightest doubt, do not hesitate to ask your doctor.

Why does baby ask for the breast all the time?

A newborn can ask for your breast for different reasons: he is hungry or thirsty , his need to suck is expressed, he wants a cuddle or comfort ... for a breastfed infant, everything goes through the breast. Moreover, some ask for it more often than others . If this is the case for your child, as far as possible and your comfort, let him suck as much as he wants, regulation will happen naturally.

If breastfeeding is well established and if you agree with this idea, you can also offer a physiological pacifier to your baby and thus free - at least partially - your breast.

What is the ideal duration of breastfeeding? And that of a feeding?

The WHO recommends exclusive breastfeeding of babies for at least 6 months from birth , or as long as possible as long as the situation is suitable for the mother and her child.

As for feeding, its duration is ideal when baby is satisfied. However, it can extend from 10 to 30 minutes per breast , depending on the age and appetite of the child.

I want to wean my baby, is this a bad idea?

When it comes to motherhood, there are no bad ideas as long as they are good ones. So if you want to wean your baby, if you feel the time is right, go for it. Especially since Élhée offers you a perfect breastfeeding bottle to take over .

Just make sure that you are perfectly ready , that your child is too , that you have time in front of you to transition from breastfeeding to bottle feeding peacefully and that you choose a time when your little one is in good health .

What is the best bottle for baby?

The best bottle is the one that adapts to your baby's age and habits . Yes, your little one already makes his own choices! Design, materials, pacifier, capacity and colors, everything can decide to adopt one model rather than another.

For example, if baby has a stomach ache after each meal, an anti-colic bottle may become his favorite bottle. Also, if your little one is already walking, they may appreciate an unbreakable bottle to take with them everywhere, easy to drop and retrieve.

If you have difficulty with your current bottle, do not hesitate to offer others to your baby and test his reactions. You can also choose according to your own criteria (French bottle, healthy, practical, aesthetic, etc.). If he adopts it, it's a win.

Should the pacifier and bottle be sterilized?

No , it is no longer necessary to sterilize pacifiers and bottles. Of course, you can boil them, put them in the sterilizer or cold sterilize them if you wish, but know that careful washing by hand and mild soap is more than sufficient.

Which formula should you choose and how do you know if it is suitable?

Bottles can be filled with breast milk or formula . To choose the latter, take into account the age of your baby (there are boxes of milk 0 - 6 months, 6 - 12 months and 12 months and over) and their nutritional and physiological needs (premature milk, hypoallergenic, anti GERD…).

If the milk is suitable, then baby appears soothed after each bottle , gains weight and grows well, he fills his diapers regularly and shows no concern about rejection or intolerance at bottle feeding time. Good dairy meal!

choose an anti-colic bottle

Maternal emotions and desire for a child

When does the fatigue of childbirth ebb?

When will you get back to your pre-pregnancy fitness level? Well, again, it depends. About your physical health before childbirth, your childbirth, your postpartum and also the support you will receive during this period.

While energy returns very gradually around 8 weeks after birth , getting back into shape can take much longer, especially if you have to recover from an operation such as an emergency C-section, or if you have given birth to several babies.

Nothing prepares you for parental exhaustion and its challenges, not even the advice that recommends you get as much sleep as you can while waiting for baby. So yes, sleep as soon as possible , but above all keep in mind that this complicated period is temporary . You will eventually recover your nights and make up for your sleep deficit.

When will I get my body back?

This is a difficult question to answer as many factors come into play. Are you more sporty? Did you do any physical activity during these 9 months? Did you gain a lot of weight before your child was born? What is your diet? Also, did you know that breastfeeding can be part of the process that will allow you to regain your ideal weight ?

After the arrival of a child, to feel good about yourself again, treat yourself to tasty and balanced meals (ask for help to prepare them), drink plenty of water , slowly return to exercise , be patient and don't compare yourself to other moms. Your metabolism and mindset are unique, and so is their path to wellness.

How to recognize postpartum depression?

Much more than a feeling of fatigue, however long and intense it may be, postpartum depression can be recognized by certain signs that should not be ignored. Persistent sadness , irritability , chronic lack of energy , sleep and appetite problems , feelings of guilt or worthlessness , and loss of interest in your usual activities or in your baby should push you to confide or consult your doctor.

And because parenthood is experienced by two people, did you know that postpartum depression could also affect your partner?

Is it normal to regret having a child?

Yes , although rarely mentioned, maternal regret is a natural feeling often linked to a traumatic childbirth , a feeling of renunciation, too much mental load and the social pressure of motherhood which necessarily wants to be fulfilling.

If you think you feel something like this, if you regret becoming a mother, if motherhood weighs you down, talk about it . Find a trusted person, doctor or friend and tell them about your problems in your own words. To lift the taboo.

And since life as a parent rarely resembles a long, quiet river, don't get into the habit of hiding your unhappiness. Talk as soon as you have the opportunity, as soon as something upsets you, as soon as you feel the need, above all, with your partner. The parent-child relationship, just like breastfeeding or the maternal instinct, (contrary to what its name indicates) is not innate, sometimes it is learned. Give yourself time.

Becoming parents: what is life like as a couple after the birth of a child?

Since I gave birth, I no longer have a libido, what should I do?

When a child arrives, nothing is simple for the couple. To become a parent, everyone must find their place and embrace their new role within the family. All while coping with fatigue, the challenges of parenthood and the changes of daily life. It is therefore normal that the sexuality of young parents takes second place . If, as a woman, you are not ready to resume intimate activity with your partner, it is important to listen to yourself. Talk about it openly and simply.

Explain your fatigue, your pain, your head elsewhere, entirely turned towards your baby. If you can (for example thanks to grandparents), treat yourself to some time together to get together and understand each other a little better. But above all and above all, give yourself time and take care of yourself . Because what could be more important than finding yourself to rekindle love?

How to maintain a life as a couple after childbirth?

For your couple, having a child is a real upheaval. From one day to the next, priorities, schedules, organization… everything is different. Also, to become parents and remain lovers , although there is no miracle recipe, these tips can help you: look for a new balance , create privacy bubbles , increase daily attention , be understanding towards each other and talk . Everything, nothing, but especially you.


Back to blog
1 of 3