"I'm so sorry, baby, I don't understand what's wrong with you." You probably remember saying this phrase before, whether slightly or completely helpless when faced with your child's cries. And that's normal. In their first few months, babies cry loudly and often, primarily because it's their one and only way of expressing themselves. To help them, learn to decode their cries so you can better understand them.
SUMMARY :
- One sorrow, different meanings
- Every tear has its message: deciphering baby's cries to better respond to them
- And discharge tears, how can you recognize them?
- Baby sobs while sleeping: why and how to soothe him?
- Let him cry…or not. Above all, find your balance
- How to comfort baby? From hugs to little comforting tips
- My baby cries a lot, when should I see a doctor?
One sorrow, different meanings
It is a fact that babies cry a lot, especially during the first three months of life, with a notable peak between 6 and 8 weeks (this is the crying curve). However, while babies' cries are indicative of their age and personality, scientists still have difficulty analyzing with certainty the cause of the tears.
It's true, babies cry because they are hungry, because they are in pain, after being scared, because of infant colic , because their diaper is dirty or even at the end of the day, with discharge cries.
Particularly difficult to live with, these intense crying fits can make you doubt your abilities as a parent. But you are not responsible for it. These tears are normal and you will learn to decode them over time. Moreover, the study conducted in 2023 by Communications Psychology indicates that parents are right on target in 75% of cases.
Every tear has its message: deciphering baby's cries to better respond to them
For your baby, crying is therefore, until he learns to speak, the only way to express a need (sleep, a cuddle, etc.), discomfort (a dirty diaper, an unpleasant position, etc.) or a vital emergency (hunger, pain, etc.). To do this, he uses a different sound each time .
And it is because the baby instinctively places his tongue that he manages to produce different sounds. Little hidden sounds, which, if you listen carefully, will be precious allies to you.
- A hungry baby sticks his tongue to the roof of his mouth in a sucking reflex . It is this small movement that makes him pronounce the sound "neh".
- When a burp is stuck , the belching reflex kicks in. The crying is then accompanied by an "eh" sound which means that some air is stuck in the upper part of the esophagus .
- "Aoh" is the sound not to be missed since it results from the yawning of a baby who feels tiredness rising. Now, if a tired baby falls asleep rather well, a very tired baby who screams at the top of his lungs to let it be known encounters much more difficulty.
- Infant colic is a particularly painful ordeal. If this pain is the cause of your baby's tears, you may be able to identify the sound "eèrh". This is a good time for a gentle massage of the abdomen (in a clockwise direction) and to change the bottle .
- We all need attention , including babies. And he'll let you know through a series of modulated whines or cries of "lelol" or "alol." To get a feel for this sound, sigh as you vocalize and open your mouth almost to the point of yawning, before closing it again.
- If baby can't take it anymore , feels overstimulated, or has had too many events or changes during the day, then you will probably hear the classic "whew" that is usually attributed to all children's crying fits. If the overload is emotional , then the sound "eir" will take over!
And discharge tears, how can you recognize them?
Evening crying, or discharge crying, usually occurs between 6 p.m. and midnight and can last from a few dozen minutes to several hours . Very intense and difficult to calm—baby's face is red, fists clenched, forehead furrowed—they are hard to bear for parents, who find themselves helpless after having also experienced a long day.
This is the time for your child to release tensions, excess emotions, misunderstandings and all the little frustrations accumulated throughout the day. By the way, did you know? In your belly, the evening was his most active time!
How to calm evening crying?
The key to limiting or even avoiding evening crying is to preserve the sweetness of the end of the day . A calm start to the evening in a subdued atmosphere is undoubtedly the best way to avoid overstimulating your baby and therefore reduce the need to "unload". A nap can be an additional asset to help manage this sometimes delicate moment.
Swaddling , lying on your forearm , a bath , carrying in a sling, a lullaby ... are all other techniques suitable for calming or keeping baby calm and perhaps avoiding this daily crisis.
And if the baby doesn't calm down, pass the baton! To the dad, to your parents, to a friend... The idea is to keep your calm yourself, because the baby needs it. And rest assured, the discharge cries generally become less spaced out after 3 months .
Baby sobs while sleeping: why and how to soothe him?
If your little one is crying at night, there are two options to consider: either something is bothering him (he is cold, his position is uncomfortable, his diaper is dirty, he needs comforting, etc.) or he is between two sleep cycles .
In the first case, baby is awake and needs you to respond to his problem, change his diaper or add pajamas over his bodysuit ( for his safety, do not add a blanket to his bed ).
In the second case, do not wake him up, he will quickly calm down by himself. If the crying lasts and intensifies, a lullaby is then welcome to find the arms of Morpheus.
Let Him Cry… or Not? First, Find Your Balance
The last few decades have seen a real paradigm shift regarding letting babies cry. While it was previously recommended to do so in order to prevent the child from getting used to seeing his parents running to the slightest cry on his part, this is no longer the case today.
Letting babies cry risks, above all, putting them in great emotional uncertainty , causing them unnecessary stress , negatively impacting their neurological structures and being detrimental to their development, since, when they are crying for help, they do not see anyone coming.
Day and night, try to respond as much as possible to your baby when he cries , to reassure him and calm him, especially because letting him cry brings no benefit in terms of learning, but also because cuddling him strengthens the parent-child bonds that you build a little more each day.
How to comfort baby? From hugs to little comforting tips
A crying baby is hard to bear and it breaks your heart! So, to avoid tantrums, handovers (especially if you don't have anyone to entrust your baby to) and guilt, discover without further delay our gentle tips for calming him down. And because with little ones, everything starts (or ends) with a hug, never hesitate to use and abuse it.
- Start with the “3 F” rule and check before trying anything that baby is not hungry , tired or feverish .
- Carry your baby to comfort him , there is nothing more effective than carrying (in a baby carrier, a sling or simply in your arms), contact and your warmth to soothe him. If necessary, test skin-to-skin or this position which works well when infants are lying on their stomach on the forearm of one of their parents.
- Prepare a warm bath , at 37 degrees, in which you can slip your baby to soothe him. Although the results are never guaranteed, it is possible that the contact of the water and its heat will relax him enough for him to stop crying.
- A stroller outing ? Who doesn't have a baby in their family who could only be put to sleep with a stroller or car ride? In case of persistent crying, this tip can also be valid.
- The magic of the milk bottle taken hot, warm or cold according to taste, in the arms of mom or dad , just at the right moment, is undeniable. At the same time as it satiates , it relaxes , warms , reassures and comforts a baby who would feel hungry, isolated, a little lost, jostled or surprised by his new life. In addition at Élhée, the comfort bottle is unbreakable and can be taken everywhere! A break to also try at the breast if baby is breastfed, or with his favorite pacifier .
- The power of voice and vibration works with babies, children, and even adults when they are stressed. And when he cries hot tears, baby is very stressed. So, talk to him softly, at length, in the same tone, hum or rock him with a regular sound, like a mantra — hummm, ommm — after placing him on your chest. Vibrations heal everything, even big sorrows.
- "Zen, let's be zen , with cool blood in our veins" the song said. And sometimes, especially with a baby, all that matters is keeping it, your cool. So, if you feel like you're going to crack, pass the baton and if you're alone at home, call someone who can come and help you (friend, neighbor, doctor...). In the meantime, put baby down safely, in his crib or in his cradle. Babies are real sponges, so the more tense you are, the more tense he will be too and will react accordingly.
- Don't try to stop the crying at all costs . Of course, take care of your baby, cuddle him, check that everything is okay and surround him with all your affection, but if all else fails, maybe he just needs to cry for a few moments.
My baby cries a lot, when should I see a doctor?
As parents, your observation skills play a big role in your child's tendency to cry more or less than others. But, if you find your baby really difficult to console , don't hesitate to contact your healthcare professional. Doctor, pediatrician, midwife, gynecologist ... or go to the PMI closest to you. Be even more vigilant if:
- crying is very frequent, very loud and/or very high pitched ;
- if they continue with the same recurrence after 4 months ;
- if baby spits up , has difficulty eating , vomits , or has diarrhea ;
- if it “falls off” its growth curve.
In any case and for all baby cries, a gentle hug, even if it is not the miracle solution, is always a good start. Yes, what is warmer, more beautiful and more comforting than mom's arms?
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