What could be more unique than a pregnancy? Even mothers of siblings say it: each one unfolds differently. All the more reason, then, for mothers-to-be and parents-to-be to ask yourselves 1,001 questions about motherhood and its mysteries. Questions that are more or less funny, touchy or difficult to ask, which we're going to try to put into words, together.
CONTENTS :
- The first 1,000 days with the family and you, and you, and you
- Pregnancy in question
- 5 questions moms-to-be have about childbirth
- Breast-fed or bottle-fed, all the advice you need to feed your baby well
- Maternal emotions and the desire for a child
- Becoming parents: what's life like as a couple after the birth of a child?
The first 1,000 days with the family and you, and you, and you
A baby's first 1,000 days stretch from the beginning of pregnancy to the child's second birthday. Just under 3 years, then, of doubts, fears, challenges, learning, immense joys and sometimes pain, during which motherhood is born and flourishes.
So it's only natural that you should be wondering about the right thing to do, your little one's well-being, your relationship, your emotions and your feelings. Nothing could be more normal than not finding all the answers, or at least not always easily.
During this time, make sure you surround yourself well, always try to put things into perspective, and above all, ask: your gynecologist, your midwife, your mother, your friends... No matter how astonished or misunderstood you may feel, every question is legitimate, especially the questions of an expectant or new mother.
Pregnancy in question
When should I announce my pregnancy?
After the first surprise, the first shock, the incredible happiness of the revelation (you're expecting a child!) the question quickly arises: who to tell the big news to, when and how? There are two teams here. On the one hand, there are those who like to make the announcement with all the pomp and circumstance, with no filter, and as soon as possible. On the other, couples who prefer to wait until they're sure, and put off announcing their pregnancy until after 12 weeks and the first dating ultrasound.
Why don't I like being pregnant?
Some mums-to-be don't like being pregnant, or don't live the period to the full. Pregnancy aches and pains (hello nausea, fatigue, cramps, weight gain, stretch marks...), stress, one medical appointment after another,hypersensitivity on all levels... It's only natural, then, that this period can be difficult to cope with.
How do I know if I'm going to be a good mother?
You know it, we know it. So, while it's difficult to predict the future and to know what kind of mother you'll be, the best way to make the most of motherhood is undoubtedly to trust yourself. Focus as soon as possible on being gentle and kind not only to your child, but also to yourself.
And because the perfect parent doesn't exist, try to be indulgent with each other. This will avoid certain peaks of frustration and unnecessary pressure. Remember that, as young parents, you're both beginners.
When I'm pregnant, can I tan, wear makeup and high heels?
When you're pregnant, you can do almost anything. Tanning? It's possible, but in small doses (for vitamin D), well protected by a suitable sun cream and a wide hat to avoid the appearance of a pregnancy mask.
When it comes to make-up, pay close attention to the composition of your products, avoiding, for example, essential oils and potentially allergenic compounds. This could be the time to give your skin a break, or to try out our skincare ranges for expectant mothers.
Finally, there's no reason why you can't wear heels while you're waiting for baby, but it's quite possible that a pair of New Balance shoes will soon be more appropriate for your comfort.
Can I sleep on my stomach?
That's right! It may sound surprising, but when you're pregnant, you can sleep on your stomach as long as the position is comfortable for you. As for baby, he's perfectly protected, so there's no risk of crushing him.
How to avoid constipation for 9 months?
Functional constipation can be one of the most difficult and painful aspects of pregnancy. If you're suffering from it, don't panic, baby's in no danger. For your part, it's time to start a cure of fibre, fruit and vegetables - especially prunes - andmineral water, coupled with long daily walks to activate your transit.
5 questions moms-to-be have about childbirth
How do I know when I'm due?
This is the big question on every expectant mother's mind. The presumed due date (DPA) is calculated from the presumed date of the last ovulation, plus 9 months. So, if your last period was on March 3, ovulation took place around March 17 (14 days later). Your due date is therefore December 17.
How long does childbirth last?
Again, it all depends. Is this your first birth? Are you expecting a big baby? What's her tummy position? And yours? While health professionals estimate the duration of a first birth at 16 h, and then at 6 h for the second, these averages vary widely from one woman to another.
As a mother-to-be, once you've started, you'll have no choice but to perform until baby arrives. However, massage, support and local anaesthesia can help you get the energy you need.
As a father-to-be, you can choose to assist your partner or wait in the background. In both cases, you should avoid complaining about the fatigue or discomfort of maternity. This could be misinterpreted!
How to manage childbirth pain?
Depending on your delivery and the intensity of the pain, you have two options. The medicated option generally includes an epidural, or spinal anesthesia in the case of a Caesarean section. The non-medicated option focuses on the birthing position, movements during labor, breathing techniques,self-hypnosis, mental preparation, massage and the use of water in the form of a bath or shower to relieve pain.
Can I request an epidural at the last minute?
Yes, you can ask for an epidural at any time, even if you refuse it at first. Note, however, that it can take up to 30 minutes to take effect, and that there are contraindications to its use, as well as side effects such as vomiting and headaches.
If I give birth by Caesarean section, can my partner be present?
As the saying goes, "it depends". Generally speaking, your partner will be able to attend the birth of your child by Caesarean section if it is scheduled and without complications. You will also need to obtain the consent of the maternity hospital, which you should request in advance.
Will I stay awake during the C-section?
In most cases, it is possible for the mother to remain awake during the Caesarean section. A sterile operating field is set up over your chest, and locoregional anesthesia is applied to your lower body. This method allows you to see and embrace your newborn right away.
How to avoid an episiotomy?
While there's no guarantee that you'll avoid an episiotomy, childbirth preparation methods can give you a few tips to make the most of your chances. Massages and exercises for the perineum are combined with careful pushing and good stress management, to avoid tears and episiotomies.
Of course, it's all a question of size: yours, your pelvis's and your unborn baby's.
Breast-fed or bottle-fed, all the advice you need to feed your baby well
How do I know if my baby is eating enough?
Breastfed babies need an estimated 8 feeds per 24 hours during the first month. For bottle-fed babies, you need 60 to 90 ml of milk per kilo of body weight, spread over several bottles during the day.
That said, if your baby feels well, if you feel well, if he's pleasant most of the time, if he fills his diapers several times a day and if he's gaining weight regularly, you can rest assured that he's eating his fill. However, if you have any doubts, don't hesitate to ask your doctor.
Why does baby clamor for the breast all the time?
A newborn baby can call for your breast for a variety of reasons: he's hungry or thirsty, his need to suck is expressed, he wants a cuddle or comfort... for a breastfed infant, everything goes through the breast. What's more, some babies demand the breast more often than others. If this is the case with your child, as far as possible and as much as is comfortable for you, let him suckle as much as he wants, and the regulation will take place naturally.
If feeding is well established and you agree with this idea, you can also offer your baby a physiological teat and thus free up - at least partially - your breast.
What is the ideal duration of breastfeeding? And how long is a feed?
TheWHO recommends exclusive breastfeeding of babies for at least 6 months from birth, or for as long as is convenient for both mother and child.
As for feedings, their duration is ideal when baby is satisfied. However, it can last from 10 to 30 minutes per breast, depending on the child's age and appetite.
I want to wean my baby. Is this a bad idea?
When it comes to motherhood, there are no bad ideas as long as they're benevolent. So, if you want to wean your baby, if you feel the time is right, go ahead. All the more so as Élhée offers you the perfect breastfeeding bottle to take over.
Just make sure that you're perfectly ready, that your child is too, that you have enough time to make the transition from breastfeeding to bottle-feeding with peace of mind, and that you choose a time when your little one is in the best of health.
What's the best baby bottle?
The best bottle is the one that adapts to your baby's age and habits. That's right, your little one already makes his own choices! Design, materials, nipple, capacity and color: everything can help him to choose one model over another.
For example, if your baby's tummy hurts after every meal, an anti-colic bottle could become his favorite. Also, if your little one is already walking, he may appreciate an unbreakable bottle that he can take everywhere with him, drop and retrieve easily.
If you have problems with your current bottle, don't hesitate to offer your baby other bottles and test his reactions. You can also choose according to your own criteria (French bottle, healthy, practical, aesthetic...). If he adopts it, you've won.
Do I need to sterilize the teat and bottle?
No, it's no longer necessary to sterilize teats and bottles. Of course, you can boil them, put them through the sterilizer or cold sterilize them if you wish, but a careful hand wash with mild soap is more than sufficient.
Which infant formula is right for you?
Bottles can be filled with either breast milk or infant milk. To choose the latter, take into accountyour baby's age (there are milk cans for 0 - 6 months, 6 - 12 months and 12 months and over) and nutritional and physiological needs (premature milk, hypoallergenic, anti-GERD, etc.).
If the milk is suitable, then baby is soothed after each bottle, puts on weight and grows well, fills his diapers regularly and shows no signs of rejection or intolerance at bottle-feeding time. Enjoy your milky meal!
Maternal emotions and the desire for a child
When does childbirth fatigue set in?
When will you return to your pre-pregnancy fitness level? Well, again, that depends. Your physical health before delivery, your delivery, your post-partum period and also the support you receive during this period.
While energy returns very gradually around 8 weeks after birth, getting back into shape can take much longer, especially if you're recovering from an operation such as an emergency caesarean, or if you've given birth to several babies.
Nothing prepares you for parental exhaustion and its difficulties, not even the advice to sleep as much as you can while waiting for baby. So yes, get as much sleep as you can, but keep in mind that this complicated period is temporary. Eventually, you'll get your nights back and make up for your sleep deficit.
When will I get my old body back?
It's a difficult question to answer, since so many factors come into play. Are you more of an athlete? Were you physically active during those 9 months? Did you put on a lot of weight before the birth of your child? What do you eat? And do you know thatbreastfeeding can be part of the process of getting back to your ideal weight?
After the arrival of a child, to feel good about yourself again, treat yourself to tasty, well-balanced meals (ask for help in preparing them), drink plenty of water, resume exercise slowly, be patient and don't compare yourself to other mothers. Your metabolism and state of mind are unique, and so is your path to well-being.
How do you recognize post-partum depression?
Much more than a feeling of fatigue, however long and intense, post-partum depression can be recognized by certain signs that should not be ignored. Persistent sadness,irritability, chronic lack of energy, sleep and appetite problems, feelings of guilt orworthlessness, and loss of interest in your usual activities or in your baby should prompt you to confide in or consult your doctor.
And because parenthood is a shared experience, did you know that post-partum depression can also affect your partner?
Is it normal to regret having had a child?
Yes, although rarely mentioned, maternal regret is a natural feeling, often linked to a traumatic birth, a feeling of renunciation, too great a mental burden and the social pressure of motherhood, which is necessarily meant to be fulfilling.
If you think you feel something like this, if you regret having become a mother, if motherhood weighs heavily on you, talk about it. Find someone you trust, a doctor or a friend, and tell them about your pain in your own words. Break the taboo.
And since life as a parent is rarely a smooth ride, don't get into the habit of hiding your unhappiness. Talk to your partner whenever you have the chance, whenever you're upset about something, and whenever you feel the need to. The parent-child relationship, like breast-feeding or the maternal instinct (contrary to what its name suggests), is not innate; sometimes it has to be learned. Give yourself time.
Becoming parents: what's life like as a couple after the birth of a child?
Since I gave birth, I've lost my sex drive. What can I do?
When a child arrives, nothing is simple for a couple. To become parents, everyone has to find their place and embrace their new role within the family. All the while coping with fatigue, the challenges of parenthood and the changes of daily life. So it's only natural that young parents' sexuality takes a back seat. If, as a woman, you're not ready to resume intimate activity with your partner, it's important to listen to yourself. Talk about it openly and simply.
Explain why you're tired, why you're in pain, why your mind is elsewhere, entirely focused on your baby. If you can (thanks to your grandparents, for example), give yourself time together to find yourself and understand each other a little better. But above all, take time for yourself and look after yourself. Because what could be more important than finding yourself to rekindle love?
How do you maintain your relationship after childbirth?
For your couple, having a child is a real upheaval. From one day to the next, priorities, schedules, organization... everything is different. So, to become parents and remain lovers, although there's no miracle recipe, these tips may help: find a new balance, create bubbles of intimacy, multiply your daily attentions, be understanding towards each other and talk. Talk about everything, but above all, talk about yourself.
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