There are times in life when a woman can feel in between two waters, not quite in tune with herself. Matrescence is one of them. Halfway between wife and mother, lost somewhere in the tumult of their new maternity, women going through matrescence experience a double birth: that of their child, but also that of their maternity.
CONTENTS :
- What is matrescence and where does it come from?
- Matrescence: a concept closely linked to the 4th trimester of pregnancy
- A mother's adolescence and a woman's dissociation
- At the heart of matrescence, the place of mothers in society
- Paternity leave and the role of the spouse
- Benevolence and acceptance
- To sum up: a few keys to progress
What is matrescence, and where does it come from?
Matrescence is the idea that motherhood is also made up of an adolescent stage. That being a mother is not innate, but is learned, more or less easily. For a new mother, matrescence refers to the period following the birth of her first child. This new stage in a woman's life, rich in changes and upheavals on the physical, psychological, physiological, emotional and identity levels, is also likened to the 4th trimester of pregnancy.
Behind this concept, which isn't exactly new but is still relatively discreet, is the idea that motherhood isn't always, or not immediately, a happy experience, and that it's worth saying so, in order to be (better) experienced.
Dana Louise Raphael
We owe the concept of matrescence to Dana Louise Raphael, an American anthropologist and fervent campaigner for breastfeeding and support for mothers. Born from the contraction of the words "maternity" and "adolescence", the word would not be popularized until many years later, in 2017, by reproductive psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks in her TED Talk.
In 1973, Dana Raphael published Prentice-Hall, The Tender Gift: Breastfeedinga 200-page book based on extensive research into breastfeeding and its perception by women, especially in the United States. It was in this book that the word "doula" (derived from the ancient Greek δούλη, doúlê, servant) and its concept, also originated by the researcher, first appeared. Dana Raphael uses it to describe the woman who accompanies women during and after childbirth.
She also co-founded the Human Lactation Center, a research center focusing on breastfeeding and infant nutrition. Thereafter and throughout her life, the activist would become a spokeswoman for breastfeeding and its acceptance throughout the world.
Matrescence: a concept closely linked to the 4th trimester of pregnancy
When a child is born, its mother is born with it. Thus, matrescence is directly linked to the way each mother experiences her 4th trimester of pregnancy. In its own way, with its physical and hormonal upheavals, this period can be as unstable as adolescence.
To explain this, Alexandra Sacks contrasts the effects of the oxytocin naturally secreted by the female body to accompany the establishment of maternal behaviors, with the logic of the mind that every mother is also a woman, defined by her own desires and needs. In her words, matrescence is the result of this exceptional emotional tug-of-war, with baby on one side and self on the other.
However, the psychiatrist goes on to say that there's nothing more normal than ambivalent feelings at the birth of a child. In her opinion, if the concept of matrescence were better known, mothers would be more indulgent with themselves and less tormented by their feelings.
A mother's adolescence and a woman's dissociation
To understand or try to approach the idea of matrescence, we need to imagine thata woman giving birth to her first child is learning to become a mother while still being one. She may therefore naturally lack knowledge and confidence. This lack of knowledge can lead, for example, to a demand for maternal perfection, or the idea that looking after a baby should always be a pleasure.
At the same time, the new mother is often preoccupied with returning to work soon, looking after her partner, the needs of her family, her own, or the demands of her friends... This is where we find the ambivalence defined by Alexandra Sacks, between the desire to be a mother and the frustration of being one.
At the heart of matrescence, the place of mothers in society
But the upheaval isn't just internal. The gaze of others is also very important. Testimonies from mothers everywhere teach us that motherhood is not always a spontaneous state. Where society extols an instinct that not all women feel, not at the same time or not in the same way, we urgently need to get the message across: matrescence exists and is a normal period of transition between two states.
It's a concept that's all the more important to popularize because, having been the focus of family attention during pregnancy, mothers often take a back seat when the baby arrives, and can feel quite alone with their emotions.
Post-partum depression: the importance of taming matrescence
While matrescence is a normal period of upheaval, it is in no way comparable to post-partum depression, which affects 15-20% of women in the year following the birth of their baby.
Still according to Alexandra Sacks, a better understanding of matrescence, combined with more exchanges between new mothers, would significantly reduce the turmoil felt in the face of complex feelings. This could even have an impact on the number of post-partum depressions diagnosed each year.
Paternity leave and the role of the spouse
In France, journalist Clémentine Sarlat, a pioneer on the subject and head of a podcast that clearly shows the color - La matrescence - draws attention to another point. In her view, the role of the partner - and by extension that of the family and friends - is essential in supporting the new mother in her transition.
As well as being non-judgmental, a spouse who is present, available and attentive would be a precious help on the journey through matrescence. With this in mind, the journalist advocates a significant extension of paternity leave, so that every couple can move forward as a duo, on the road to parenthood.
The Nordic countries seem particularly attractive here, with parental leave of 480 days paid in Sweden (to be divided between the two parents, including three months each) or 160 days per parent in Finland, plus the possibility of transferring up to 63 days of parental leave to a spouse. In comparison, paternity leave in France seems very light. For the record, it's only 25 days!
Benevolence and acceptance
Because wellness begins with understanding and continues with acceptance, putting your emotions into words is one of the first steps. This is especially true when they resonate as strongly as matrescence. Motherhood, fatherhood... all parenthood can be complex to experience and observe, so we needed a word to wrap them up in.
Dismissal helps to put things into perspective, and to better apprehend her new daily life as a mother. The more supportive the environment, the more the new mother can trust herself and easily make the transition to reveal herself as a free and unique mother.
In conclusion: a few keys to progress
- Talk to avoid negative questions and thoughts. Talk to your partner first, but also to your family and friends. Ask other pregnant women around you, ask questions of your doctor, your gynecologist, your obstetrician, ask to meet a psychologist if you feel the need, but don't remain alone with your questions.
- Find out more about the 4th trimester of pregnancy and matrescence. There are a growing number of books (Living the fourth trimester naturally by Julia Simon, This is our postpartum by Illana Weizmann...), articles and podcasts (La matrescence, Bliss Stories...) on the subject.
- Surround yourself, whether in social networking groups or real-life workshops. Facebook and Instagram are full of talking circles that will welcome you. Not a digital fan? Contact the PMI, ask your maternity hospital or consult the list of parent-child drop-in centers (LAEP) in your area.
- Meet a doula. Specially trained to accompany pregnant women and new mothers, this perinatal professional will listen to you, gather your words and emotions and guide you through the incredible transition of matrescence.
