"I'm so sorry baby, I don't understand what's wrong with you." You probably remember uttering this phrase, either slightly or completely distraught at your child's crying. And that's normal. In their first months, babies cry loudly and often, first and foremost because it's their only means of expression. To help him, learn to decode his crying so you can understand him better.
CONTENTS :
- Grief, different meanings
- Every tear has its own message: deciphering baby's cries for a better response
- And how do you recognize discharge crying?
- Baby sobs in his sleep: why and how to soothe him?
- Let him cry... or not. Above all, find your balance
- How to comfort baby From cuddles to comforting tips
- My baby cries a lot. When should I see a doctor?
Grief, different meanings
It's a fact that babies cry a lot, especially during the first three months of life, with a notable peak between 6 and 8 weeks (the crying curve). And yet, while babies' crying is indicative of their age and personality, scientists are still finding it difficult to analyze the cause of tears with any certainty.
It's true, baby cries because he's hungry, because he's in pain, after being scared, because of infant colic, because his diaper is dirty, or at the end of the day, with discharge cries.
Particularly difficult to cope with, these intense crying spells can make you doubt your abilities as a parent. But it's not your fault. Crying is normal, and you'll learn to decode it over time. What's more, astudy carried out in 2023 by Communications Psychology shows that parents get it right 75% of the time.
Every tear has its own message: deciphering baby's cries for a better response
For your baby, crying is the only way to express a need (sleep, a cuddle...), discomfort (a dirty diaper, an unpleasant position...) or a vital urgency (hunger, pain...) until he can speak. To do this, he uses a different sound each time.
And it's because baby instinctively places his tongue that he manages to produce different sounds. Little hidden sounds which, if you listen carefully, will be invaluable allies.
- A hungry baby sticks his tongue to the roof of his mouth in a sucking reflex. It's this little movement that makes him pronounce the sound "neh".
- When a burp gets stuck, the belching reflex kicks in. Crying is then accompanied by an "eh" sound, meaning thata bit of air is stuck in the upper esophagus.
- "Aoh" is the sound not to be missed, as it's the result of a baby yawning as he or she feels tired. While a tired baby falls asleep quite well, a very tired baby who screams at the top of his lungs to let him know is much more difficult to sleep through.
- Infant colic is a particularly painful ordeal. If this pain is the cause of baby's tears, you may be able to identify the "eèrh" sound. This is a good time to gently massage the abdomen (in a clockwise direction) and change the bottle.
- We all need attention, and so does baby. And he'll let you know through a series of complaints or cries modulated with "lelol" or "alol. To get a feel for this sound, sigh as you vocalize and open your mouth almost to a yawn, before closing it again.
- If baby can't take it anymore, if he's feeling over-stimulated, if the day's events or changes have been too many, then you'll probably hear the classic "ouin" that we usually attribute to all children's crying fits. If the overload is emotional, then the "eir" sound will take over!
And how do you recognize discharge crying?
Evening crying, or discharge crying, generally occurs between 6 p.m. and midnight, and can last from a few minutes to several hours. Intense and difficult to calm - baby's face is flushed, fists clenched, forehead wrinkled - they're hard for parents to bear, who find themselves at a loss after a long day themselves.
It's a time for your child to release the tension, the overflow of emotions, the misunderstandings and all the little frustrations accumulated over the course of the day. And did you know? In your womb, the evening was his most active time!
How to soothe evening crying?
The key to limiting or even avoiding evening crying is to preserve the softness of the end of the day. A calm start to the evening, in a subdued atmosphere, is undoubtedly the best way to avoid over-stimulating your baby, and therefore reduce the need to "unload". A nap can be an additional asset in managing this sometimes delicate moment.
Swaddling, lying on your forearm, taking a bath, wearing your baby in a sling, lullabies... these are just some of the techniques you can use to calm baby down or keep him calm, and perhaps get over this daily crisis.
And if baby doesn't calm down, pass the baton! To dad, to your parents, to a friend... The idea is for you to keep calm yourself, because baby needs it. And don't worry, discharge crying generally subsides after 3 months.
Baby sobs in his sleep: why and how to soothe him?
If your little one cries at night, there are two options: either something is bothering him (he's cold, his position is uncomfortable, his diaper is dirty, he needs comforting...) or he's between sleep cycles.
In the first case, baby is awake and needs you to take care of his problem, change his diaper or add pajamas over his bodysuit(for his safety, don't add a blanket to his bed).
In the second case, don't wake him up - he'll quickly calm down on his own. If the crying lasts and intensifies, a lullaby is the perfect way to return to Morpheus' arms.
To let him cry... or not? Above all, find your balance
The last few decades have seen a paradigm shift in the way babies are allowed to cry. While it used to be advisable to do so to prevent children from getting used to seeing their parents run to them at the slightest cry, this is no longer the case.
Allowing babies to cry risks above all putting them in a state of great emotional uncertainty, causing them unnecessary stress, negatively impacting their neurological structures and being detrimental to their development, since, crying for help, they don't see anyone coming.
Day or night, try to respond as much as possible to your baby's cries, to reassure and calm him or her, not only because letting him or her cry brings no benefit in terms of learning, but also because cuddling your baby strengthens the parent-child bond that you are forging every day.
How to comfort baby From cuddles to comforting tips
A crying baby is hard to bear and heartbreaking! So, to avoid nervous breakdowns, handovers (especially if you don't have anyone to entrust baby to) and guilt, discover our gentle tips for calming him down. And because with little ones, everything begins (or ends) with a cuddle, never hesitate to use and abuse them.
- Start with the "3 Fs" rule and check that baby is not hungry, tired or feverish before attempting anything.
- There's nothing more effective than carrying your baby(in a sling, wrap or simply in your arms), and the contact and warmth of you to soothe him. If need be, try skin-to-skin, or the position that works so well when babies lie belly-down on a parent's forearm.
- Prepare a lukewarm bath, at 37 degrees, into which you can slip baby to soothe him. While results are never guaranteed, it's possible that the contact of the water and its warmth will relax him enough to stop crying.
- A stroller outing? Who doesn't have a baby in the family who can only be lulled to sleep by a stroller or car ride? In the event of persistent crying, this tip can also be useful.
- The magic of a bottle of milk, taken hot, warm or cold according to taste, in mom's or dad's arms, at just the right moment, is undeniable. At the same time as satiating, it relaxes, warms, reassures and comforts a baby who might feel hungry, isolated, a little lost, jostled or surprised by his new life. What's more, at Élhée, the bottle-doudou is unbreakable and can be taken anywhere! A break that can also be tried at the breast if baby is breast-feeding, or with his favoritePacifier .
- The power of voice and vibration works with babies, children and even adults when they're stressed. And when he's crying his eyes out, baby's under a lot of stress. So speak to him softly, at length, in the same tone, sing or rock him with a regular sound, like a mantra - hummm, ommm - after you've placed him on your chest. Vibrations heal everything, even big griefs.
- "Zen soyen, du sang-froid dans les veines" the song goes. And sometimes, especially with a baby, it's all about keeping your cool. So, if you feel you're going to break down, pass the baton, and if you're at home alone, call someone who can come and help you (friend, neighbor, doctor...). In the meantime, leave baby safely in his cot or crib. Babies are real sponges, so the more tense you are, the more tense he will be, and the more he will react accordingly.
- Don't try to stop the crying at all costs. Of course, take care of baby, cuddle him, check that everything's okay and surround him with all your affection, but if nothing helps, maybe he just needs to cry for a while.
My baby cries a lot. When should I see a doctor?
As parents, your observational skills play a big part in determining whether your child cries more or less than others. But if you find your baby really difficult to console, don't hesitate to contact your healthcare professional. Doctor, paediatrician, midwife, gynaecologist... or visit your nearest PMI. Be even more vigilant if :
- crying is very frequent, very powerful and/or very high-pitched;
- if they continue with the same recurrence after 4 months;
- if baby regurgitates, has trouble eating, vomits, or has diarrhea;
- if it "falls off" its growth curve.
In all cases and for all baby cries, a gentle cuddle, even if it's not the miracle solution, is always a good start. After all, what could be warmer, more beautiful and more comforting than Mum's arms?
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